Ppl, meaning me. Jus have to learn to b satisfied. My old job finally called me back. Now I have been waiting for this moment forever. The fun y thing is that I have been waiting this moment on day shift since I started there 7 years ago. Now since I had started school, I couldn't wait for them to call me back to wrk on C Shift.
Well, evyone keeps reassuring me that I am doin the right thing droppin out of school. I am doin well too. First time I feel so confident. :)
This man here though is drivin me insane. I don't trust him. I always think that he has some sort of sceem going on, or something. He will be leaving soon, he surely will jus don't kno wen. So I think that he is shittin on mentor a place to stay. All I will do not can do is shrug my shoulders. Eithr I am tired of it and I will jus leave him Alone.
This is funny, and it's all in my head. Jus want him to pitch in and take care of where

When you're in the rain, you can't see it's beauty because you're looking for a dry place. Once you're in the dry place, all you see is the rain.Sometimes our mind plays tricks on us and we blame it on life or others.The pain becomes a good excuse for why we're never happy.To stop the pain one much stop the games one has become conditioned to playing with their life. You can never blame others for your pain, you just get in a dry place and not look back at the rain.
Peace...
John L Norris

Ok, some say that  am so dumb, all i can do is shake my head. This man sed he was comin back a hour ago. He keep sayin the shit he do it's not like he jus b aimin to shoot me. i explained to this morn that it doesn't  matter, i dont care what the intent is the outcome is what matters and at the end of it all the outcome leaves me hurt and loosing something. I have less than what i have strated wit evytime.
That shit is gettin played.
He left me stuch wenesday, missed my test, and i have a big fat zero on my spanish test. That i dont need i aredy dropped that history class. I never hav to fail history classes. Normally i do my thing. That shit was crazy. Not evben gonna go over it unless yall request it.'
Well 'spacesaver' had a good turn out today for this book club. Even though she called beggin me to come outta fear that nonone wud show up for the interview wit Omar Tyree, many showed and they all included me and her a great time. that's what matter.
I sat in the back ground, and watched her mother enjoy what she had put together. Once a few ppl cleared, her mother mentioned that she may have a good thing goin wit the book club. Spacsaver always knows taht it's jus ppl othr than me trustin in her vision  that can support it.
Buzzin, I am waitin for this dude to get here. Dont wanna bug him, but shit. I do too much. He tells me too that he does a lot as well. Especially a lot that he wud normally nevr do. He feels domesticated in a bitch sort of way. hat can i say i think in my mind he shud do a lot of things that he does jus becuz he can't really do anything else.
Callin him now, and he aint even answer. Aint that some shit.
Men love wen women do them like they aint worth
he here in he drunk or somethin wrong wit his ass smh this shit is crazy
i dont know why i deal
for a BABYSITTER?
NJoy

NJoy

I have got to say that you made me cry yesterday. I sat up all night writing in my head. I re-wrote and wrote again until I jus said forget it I got up and started to write.
Writing is always therapy. I hope you like it.
I got angry because I thought of my sister. She was not fortunate as me, mother was on drugs as well, kids grow up angry and all they can do is take it out on the people nearest to them not closest to them. Those closest to them they are normally nurturin.
Excuse the grammar I said I would send it as is for now.
I liked the guys that my mother dated that weren't pervs, cuz they new what it was like.
So how cud they do that to anothr. They knew what it was like wen they were young and banged off a door for that man to get off their sister.
In the middle of their favorite tv show "damn rider was jus bout to get him. They is bring that tv back ma right? I kno u ain't jus sell our tv.".
They kno what it's like to comfort their siblings after being locked in closets and whipped btwn the legs for being too beautiful.
They wud never for my future kids harm them and now that I hav them I still see it the same.
They kno what it's like so how cud they trash my babies future.
I feel stuck. Keep doin what u been doin and u get what u always got. From my math teacher ain't that something
Damn near thirty and I'm still askin to grow into somethin
I wud sit contemplating slit wrists while
Misfits contemplated what color lipstick
Goes with their rhinestone filled bracelets and lipstick
That's so week to their and contemplate a wake less sleep
I wouldn't dare now though it does I feel so bad cross my mind from time to time I smile though I have lil ones that need me
I never question anymore what im here for

That teacher made me cry as I looked at the tough skin she's built but what wen we hurt we can stop the hurt and the smallest things to othrs seem silly n it touches me her
Sometimes men touch me her. I put it on her cuz I'm done goin ovr it
I've cured myself my hair has already fallen out and they already placed me in special needs makin my gym classes for stress relief.
Not knowin I'd hav to lie and say WHY I get out so late ridin the lil yellow bus lol
I'm done dealin with that it's ovr
I will not though let men around my daughters
I kno pervs (perverts) wen I c one I can't help it
It's jus like that
Ugh I'm so ovr it Smile vs Frown my favorite motto

Out of all the things I been goin through tho
My house being broken into, explaining to my oldest she can't have the things that she used to,
Mommy's job are to protect n make things better though, I fix it I tell her
My job leavin me the ultimatum them or school, my doc says I need stress management
I will never again take medicine, yes ok I will c a therapist
I kno I kno u may b leavin soon I’ll think about the fact that I'm pregnant,
You want it
you do
you want it you don't
I want it I do a lil boy my lil boy around the house
You want it I don't want to go through it by myself AGAIN
the doctor says "this may b another miscarriage I'm sorry we'll jus hav to wait I out"
Miscarriages r horrible jus had one
Tears r fallin I want it you don't I don't you want it I dont
Second opinion same thing so Dr Wartman I am seeing. This scary man I have visited before, I kno it's wrong it can't b right playin God death penalties and crooked cops or judges thinkin my man is worthless givin him life.
This can't b right but the nurse says "I see a blood pocket have u bleeding? At least u get it over with now vs not knowing wen the worse will happen and jus waiting".
I come back latr that week I do you dont we do we kno it's not smart so thanks docs for givin us better reason to.....
Lay on this table and inside I'm screaming STOP!!!
I kno somethin is gonna b wrong but POW! Prisoner Of my own Words alecia keys sings and I say nothin as the medicine wrks through my veins gots me sleeping
He wakes me up and says it's over
It's not over excruciating pain all day I deal wit cuz i shouldn't have
The pain I deal wit all weekend and finally on Monday I cry.
I deal through this long horrid test for a city job
Pop those pills and make that call
Doc say it's ok deal I deal till I cry and go to ER cuz im burnin throughout my insides
They giv me morphine and more morphine my uterus too inflamed for them to c they giv me vicoden and I was only there from 3-7:46 they say take some percaset evy 4 hours and go back to who seen u first
They really don't wanna c me they think this is psychological hurt. They c me and "I'm so sorry" we can't do a DnC we have to do the precedure all over again. All my guilt and all my pain and all my I shudda been carefuls really built up again
Bigger than my fetus baby slain that's y I was in full blown labor all weekend till Monday and Tuesday mornin wen the weakness end they back puttin me to sleep again and now I will feel the pain that it shud have been the process all over again
But WAIT I forgot somethin while waiting till 3pm to b see the meter readers come and take the box, got damn now we in the dark and I can't do nothin he can't do nothin
My oldest baby says" I hate wen u sick mommy, I kno it will b embarrassing to tell ppl we don't have electricity, and r house fallin in so wen the teachers ask I won't tell them that". She wants to keep me safe and protect me. My heart weakens and I love my babies jus wen u think u kno all about yours.... That smile comes and you melt but dang why she gotta carry this burden?
Now at home me and him is arguin my oldest even though she's resilient she's not eating
I notice we notice the family notice we deal and
DAMN IT I left the car unlock and my wallet is stolen $200 we already living off of our savings
Thank you cousin for turnin RgE on for me
My baby is happy and we back to arguin and now I see she's not eating OMG "mommy I can't get up my knees feel wobbly"
I'm scared I'm sorry I'm callin your doctor again
I'm changing cuz I kno what's wrong wit my baby she takin in my stress carrying my burdens. All these othr things r not important. This book club I started the lounge in the makin school and no wrk she hear too much.
Her doctor asks if I want her counseling. Yes I do in the meantime I tell myself I kno what's wrong. I look n the mirror and say U. Life is not bad it's the choices we make and how we choose to handle them. U gotta handle them anyway
you gotta go through it. Smile vs Frown she's eating good a drastic and quick two day change. I love my Grls more than anything
Now things aren't great but they r ok
Wen it's not me it's U
How cud u not come home all night and u kno I got school u say hell wit me
I can't continue to b ur fool
We argue again
He says
It's the stress
And pressure
The time I'm facin
His sorries is all I'm facin I
Gotta keep my coooool my daughter jus got better
We arguin
I tol ovr and ovr again get a job now look at the position u put ur family in my Unkl owns companies he'd hire u to help take care of his niece
That’s not good enuf for u though that lil but of pay
I chose to b Cinderella and made u my prince Peter pan I want u to nevr want to b a young boy again
runnin these streets got us in these courts and our heads spin-in
Didn't learn the first time so harder gets this lesson
Keeps comin and comin harder and harder till we DONE TO THE END
and can't get it no more gone from this planet like my Sister and my ex-fiancé can't come in this life to b wit me and try again.
No repent endure the pain so u can learn this lesson

Ugh this dang on roof is leakin jus missed out no more fundin. Knew I was gonna get it
it was foreclosing for a reason bought as is it wasn't kept up wit.
Now yes baby, mommy is gonna fix it
I will find a nice house for us to live in

We arguin I tol ovr and ovr again get a job now look at the posistion u put ur family in my Unkl owns companies he'd hire u to help take care of his niece
Thats not good enuf for u though that lil but of pay
NJoy

I was just bout to add this course so that I could drop another. Yes, I am back in school. Don't kno if I tol u or not, I haven't been keepin up as much as I shud.
So many things have been happening, back to back. At the moment as well, I am looking for another place to stay.
I packed a couple things up jus n case we hav to b outta here sooner than what is expected. How things hav been going wit me you never. I never know rather. I really hav been thinkin too, about my degree. While I ma jobless, I my degree is in early childhood education. Why not do the dare care thing? How things are goin right now wit the economy and all, I cud possibly promote income base childcare. We care -vs- watch your child. I hav so many great ideas for giving back. I thought to do all these things through the book club. I cud jus go right ahead and do them through the daycare. With my degree, I can offer more education base like an early head start program.
Like my Dad keep sayin at least I will hav a babysitter. ME lol
Today was actually a really relaxin day. I dod not see my mother this whole weekend, nor my grandmother. I only talked to my mom a coupl minutes this weekend. For those that kno me that is very diff. Mr Man has been gone for most the day. That is a lil nerve wreckin but i kno he is releived to b abl to b out. He has my car though that's the only thing for me. I sed I won't stress it though.
My niece and nephew came right aftr my God kids left. Both sets stayed the night. That's the othr thing too, I really stay occupied wen kids r around. They giv me life or somethin. I forget the things that stress me, and watch my babies hav fun and b kids. The load keeps me busy and focused on jus that.
My neice and nephew helped the grls make their lil princess house. It was a paint and glue project. Paint got on my couch too. lol That aint so bad I tol myself and kept goin. I took a quick nap while they did that and played, and made a mess.
Everything else is evything. I am jus here now.
I day dreamed of my husband today in the shower. I dreamed of him wanting me and enjoyin my cookin. That's crazy. For what?
I do miss him. I want to be happy though. I want my grls to b happy. They can still b happy without me being wit their dad. I kno they can they have to. I want soemone that will come from wrk everyday and pay all the bills even though I can. I'll pitch in where I can. lol
Well...... I am getting sleepy. This is y my life is everywhere, I never complete a thought, and go on to the next thought jus that quick.
Gotta focus and get organized.
Well, this relaxin day is back to the othr routine in the morning. More studyin, and searchin for a place to live, and papers that hav to b written.. I actually like those papers that hav to b written. The car had broken down, that cost $200, and come to find out the inspection sticker is old. I did not kno that. My mom had got an inspection sticker. All that wrk she had gotten doen cost me $800. Damn
I wont even do it to myself today though. Since I ahve been pretended and hiding what's been goin on infront of my oldest twin, she has started eating again. It's me that is makin her sick. She's worried to death bout me. I remember wen He died, I went through the same thing. Jus puttin food to my mouth made me gag and begin to earl if I forced. I promised to b happier for her carry out these tasks jus becuz they hav to b done and nothin more. That way my babies can stay healthy. Cuz really it is like that. Get this happiness state of mind.
She had been starvin herself, she got weak one mornin to where she cud not really walk well. Wen u get tired and drained, on top of lack pf food you may hav the energy but don't really hav it.
Life really ios that simple and Smile -vs- Frown
NJoy 

It has been a while, that situation was crazy. I had to go and get the whole procedure done over again. Not everything was taken out. The size of it was a lRge fetus. They came in and apologized for not knowing and evythin else.
Guess u kno they gave me some good drugs b4 lettin me go and forgot to take the iV out of my arm.
The American way is to sue ppl right, well that's what I am lookin n2.
The emergency room, the doc gave me two doses of morphine and a vicoden within 4 hours. I did not fall alseep b/c of the pain. He sent me home with the instruction to take percaset evy four hours. That was not wrkin. That's y I called the place again and they seen me. They tried to explain some b.s to me about emotional pain seeming like physical. I almos argued wit her. They did the altra sound and apologized for nit seeing ms sooner wen I called cryin the day before. They asked how cud the hospital send me home like that.

Well throughout the pain, crouchin over in agony I lay on the couch and heard the gas and electric ppl taking the box or somethin off the house. Pitiful. I jus had dreams bout that. I saw and knew they were comin.
We been I. The dark for a week. My next door neighbor let us use her plug for the fridge. She helped us for 5 days. I gave her $65. She see she was on a buyer and cudnt do it any longer.
O well we took all our freezer goods to my Dads and out a fee things from the fridge to my mothers aftr finding out it will take another 5 days to vet it cut back on.
How do I get n these messes.
I got a small little lump of $ the I insurance claim wen someone broke in and took my personal things. Things I cherish cuz memories.
Is it wrong to cling to memories so hard?
Whatevr
Back to the point.
Now it's 37 degrees and I have to stay warm.
I have thoughts of other things I'd like to share, but I always feel so insecure and scared about who will c them later.
Mayb soon not now. I jus feel trapped through This endless cycle of stupid and rash decisions. Where do I turn now.
I tol myself I will go on a 5 day fast this weekend. Can't wait.
Hopefully the cleansing will do. I am motivating myself for positive thought as well, that way things can really start manifesting n the direction I need them to go in.
Well I am beyond tired and I better jus get my things together to go to sleep.
NJoy

Knowledge is just Knowledge unless it's connected to Wisdom. You may consume good or bad knowledge, it's still just knowledge. many have plenty of knowledge yet still don't know what they are doing. All our issues comes from, not a lack of knowledge, but rather the lack of wisdom to process this knowledge. The issue then becomes if one understands that he or she don't know the quality of their knowledge. Also, if they even know or understand how to use such knowledge. Most in our society don't know what they are doing even with knowledge. It dosen't matter if you're a  Bum sleeping on a sidewalk or the CEO of a major Legal Firm, without wisdom as to how to use such knowledge, you still don't know what you're doing.
Now, another issues that we all face is thus; The hardest thing for a Man or Woman to admit is that He or She don't know what they are doing at any given time! Most people feel that if I let them see that I don't know, I'll be looked down on.You may be a Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher,Father or Mother, if you can't admit that you don't know what you are doing then you can't make it right! It takes a real Man or Woman to just stop and say, God, I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. Once anyone can reach this stage in life, then they've reached the first level of Enlightenment.Now one is free from the burden of trying and failing only because you just don't know what you're doing.Also there are those who don't know that they don't know.
It's no Sin, Crime or Less of a Human Being to admit that you don't know what you're doing! Once you can admit that you don't know,now you can start learning how to know.
Peace...
John Norris

Religion is like a penis
It's fine to have one
It's fine to be proud of it
But pleSe don't whip it out in public and start waving it around
And please don't start shoving it down my childrens throat

I like this I saw it on someones Facebook page.

Man, I still feel the cramps and the pain. Not as bad as it was yesterday though. This is crazy I did call a lawyer to dbl ck to c if I have a lawsuit or not. The doc didn't clean me out the first time. So for the whole weekend I was in goin through labor tryin to push the huge fetus size clot or whatever it was out.
I must that friday I got the predators done, I was scared and I too myself somethin like that wud happen. I wonder, do we manifest bad things to come or do we jus have I tuition insight and c them come as they r anyway?
Well went to the hospital monday night. I was crazy mad cuz I was n so much pain takin that test. Need a job though. Skipped school Monday though, I was feelin horrible and I knew I had that civic exam.
Sunday I cried and tried to get this man that I share my nights wit to wake up. He jus b dead to the world thinking I am over exaggerating.
Well at least now he knows why I have been bitching so much lol
It's hard to deal wit ur lain still cook still wash clothes and function.
Anyways my mom kinds convinced me Monday to go to the emergency. Had she not sex leave the kids n bed and I come there I was gonna stay in pain.
Go to the hospital, and right away the doctor says that I am not getting enough pain meds. Gives me a dose of morephine. I still feel the lain did not sleep or nothing.
Come to think right now, cuz they think she crazy I guess u right. Although it won't be bad

I sed this before, I say it again wit more meaning this time. It jus gets worse and worse. The pain is so excruciating. I have popped a pill evy 4 hours since the civil service exam.
I wanted to die taking that exam today for 911 dispatcher. The pain and evything else see past the pain killers. Labor pains once again with no baby as the reward.
Uhhhhh
All I can do is rock back and forth and think of all the things I have to do in about 4 more hours. I am juggling school, 2 rocky relationships, ok minus 1, children, the pregnancy, the abortion, job, finding a job, paying bills.... PAIN PAIN PAIN. THATS ALL I FEEL
things will get better, nothing last forever smile
NJoy

My BFF sed I need to write a book. Y? Cuz I jus Tom him about this abortion I had yesterday. Poplin pain killers right now. Shakin my head
NJoy

It's so funny how highs can get soooooo
Low 
Quickly though
Raised in a bipolar nation 
Everything passing by u used reserved neuroes and brain serves servings of left overs saved 
As time has been wasting 
Crying 
Makes no sense cuz at times the things I do really make no sense 
Tuning out the kids screaming 
My emotions raging, my insides soaring 
My heart bleeding for my own definition of glory. 

What is glory? 
What is commons sense? 
Intelligence? 

Tell the kids to "shut the Fuck up" they invading my space 
Damn in am 
A mother there r no green eggs and ham 
There is no space to yourself anymore 
It's not all bad though 
I begged and prayed for babies
They giv me headaches and u would love to dose them niquil often but....... I am greatful
I have someones to care for me wen I am old. 
Ok eenuff this is gettin old
Njoy 

Wrote a really long blog yesterday and it didn't even post. :(

o well, I will just recap.

Things have been really diff this time around. Well, Abba really did it by trying to jump on that man that killed his sister. he didnt even get to him. In the midst of evything, he slams an officer. So him comin home in December is a wrap. I should not have let the other man back in, I did. Right after I found out how evythign that Abba did happened.

He really dissapointed me. Really. That's no excuse, I did what I did cuz i wanted to.

By the way this job is freakin crazy. I am glad I am wrkin, cuz a lot of folks don't have a job. That but, here it comes, BUT wrkin for lil of nothin really stinks, and means really stinks. I have 2 semesters to get a degree that's ha;f worth something, and can get me a job somewhere like where i shud b. wrkin wit troubled teens, and alcohol abused adults. Ppl like me on the flipside sometimes, jus need a lil more push and guidence.

I have been waiting for my Dad to jus realll go hard wit his program. That way I can have my degree and mentor under him. Evybody got they things that's important though. Don't agree wit his direct full attention to the Sectors, and the 'city'. He used to focus mainly on grass roots and getting to the ppl. Collecting and making a majority so that he doesn't have to tackle the city alone. Build an army.

Enough of all that.

I am back in school startign on the 6th. I can't wait. Then again I can. it won't be how it used to. I used to realy enjoy school. I could get paid to learn all day. I cud sit and talk all day infront of ppl too a little philosophy.

Ok, back to the top. I sed that i would not take that man the 'other' man back again, and I did. he got into some trouble and silly me, I couldnt turn my back. he was really in some hot ass water. I cursed him, and tol him that after i saved his ass and helped him as much as I cud I could not go any further.

Well, one night at my house turned into 4nights. I complained and he got scared of the police of course and left. he did not go far.

Things got fucked up where he went, and now he is back from the south and here.

This time around, he is acting as a lot better. Actually sincerley wanting and enjoying being here like he shuda been in the first place. It's funny cuz he made a comment yesterday about really loving the kids and enjoying doing things wit them.

You know i tol him that it is so messed up that it takes the worse to happen for him to be forced to spend the time that he shudda been spending. He jus blamed it on the "LIFE". Dope really does numb you to evything. all you think of is the money you make, and the fun you have while makin it. Livin wit no reguards to anyone other than wen you feel like it. Ok, I did add most the rest of that in there as you know. LOL

Anyways, we have been doing things like taking the kids late to fly their kites, and this is his idea. He plays wit them and we go to feed the ducks. Evything I have been wanting. I need out of a man that will be around.

As I write, like many times b4 my mind goes back to the fact that this big fairy tale is going to end. He will one day soon have to turn himself in. He will oneday soon not be around, and I be back to square one.

It's been a blessing eventhough all that he has taken me through prior to this, to have him around.

He watches the twins while I am wrkin, if I want to go out he lets me, and doesn't riff. I get home the kids are dressed and washed up, (not all the way washed up LOL) the dishes are washed and the floor is mopped.

All that I complain that I need so much help wit is being takin care of. Not the bills though. I still lack help wit that. Although wit him havin the kids I dont have to pay my mother as much for watching them. Yea you ask y are u payin her.

That's a long story for another day. I pay something to get away from arguing wit her. She asked to barrow my car one day and went and took it to the shop chargin $800 worth of repairs that she needs me to pay back on her credit card. Her husband needs to know that I am giving her something for havin the kids, so she says that I still pay daycare and it go to the credit card. We almost fell out over that, I did not ask her to do that I couldn't and can't afford it. I tol her wen I get back to school and get that loan that I will pay her then. Whatever. I shouldn't have to pay her the full $170 being that shebarely watches the twins anymore.

It's funny, the woman behind me jus woke me up. I was daydreaming outside the works window. I farely large couple looked so cute and happy alking from their car.

They looked fresh and in the early stages of their relationship. Like they are just starting off. The beauty of that.

Well, I guess I have to leave that thought right here. 'the man' did say though that I still call Abba's name in my sleep. Y? I know why.

Well, this week has been fun. The kids and I have been feeling awsome w/ this new psuedo reality we are sharing of a unified family.

The day started off a liil sticky. being that i am pregnant again. yes i touch my belly and think back of the past and the way that he has treated me wen i force myself. that's wen i force myself.

It's so funny, got a lot goin on. Guess now that ny Dad knows that the man I sed I wud not hav bak here is here, I can talk bout things. Lol
He has been diff. It's jus sad though, that wen I look at him my wonders. It always wonders. O well, he has been watching and caring for the Grls. It's been kinda what u cud say a blessin in disguise. :) all I can do is smile.
Y I go to sign up for classes, and the African american his course I took and got B+ in doesn't count as American history. Crazy.
Well good night I catch u up on the drama later. Hav a nice night. Please post ur comments
NJoy

Our Failing Church System in America, Has Anyone Noticed?
As the twenty first century unfolds in its technological entombment, certain unforeseen realities have begun to surface. Of the many systems who now face their predictable demise, one system, which until now has had a completely independent monopoly in the social arena, reels in its space and concept.

The Church system, with such unabridged authority and influence now faces a tremendous downfall.

Not a downfall in the normal sense as it does not go lacking in financial strength, nor in human presents

but rather in the major source of its purpose, Integrity. INTEGRITY is the key essence which no longer exists within the walls and hearts of the Church system. WE toil in our trauma as we watch God’s baby die!

For instance, Prayer is no longer legal in our education system, meaning it’s against the law for our youth to acknowledge GOD in the school!

The Church is now a component used to lobby in the cause of sexual preferences! Same sex marriages top the agenda of movements facing the Church, seconded only by Human Rights issues.

Church rules are re-structured to facilitate transgender acceptance into key positions of influence in the Church system.

Our Legal process has even removed the oath component from the swearing in of those who would tell the truth relating to testimony in the courts. Our court rules were formatted according to the principles of the Church. Hence, “Thou shalt not kill”, an item of religious commandments, yet with the Church rules removed from the Justice System, how can one legally be tried?

“Thou shalt not lie” influences no consequences from the justice system and insures freedom for certain individuals   according to the culture they represent.

Our Church System has acquired many new denominations that are cosmetically induced to fit the demands of the social decline in order that anyone can now banish the title, “Religious Individual”.

The major purpose of the Church System is one of disciplinary focus, yet in light of this paradigm shift the obvious disciplinary action comes in the form of words! “Let my actions speak for me”, has become an obsolete concept.

There are many discomfiting questions regarding the Church, yet few are willing to face the growing adversarial challenges from their Contemporaries.

As a result of such passiveness by the Church System our youth attempts to avoid the whole idea of church as if in their innocence they sense some negativity, which brings to mind the prophetic words, “And the little children shall lead them”.

It’s within the innocence of our youth that egoism tends to fail in its domination of the Soul.

Billed as the “Cure-All” for all suffering, the church’s reputation has found its place among the archives of many myths and folk-lures of by-gone eras. Reform becomes a question for the sake of the traditional church, however with the many designer religions vying for position; reform is not in the immediate council of the Church.

Close review of the absence of the church reveals tremendous negative results among the social dynamics of our time.

Education has become a process of trial and error with too many errors without the disciplines of the church rule.

The justice arena falls to those with substantial political influence and/or funding without the initiated rules of the church.

Indiscriminate sexual acts have taken on the concept of being natural in the fact that man and man or woman and woman are married in the church eliminating the gender roles from the Bible.

Marriage has become a game and/or an opportunity to share sensual favors, that is, until one becomes bored with their mates. Gender not being a rule as to either position of a common couple in this non-traditional process of a marriage. Moreover now rules of marriage entail a matrix concept with commitments only to self gratification.

The practical elements of love and family values, having been removed by a consensus with no hint of Spirituality or fundamentality as we once knew it, are now billed as (uncommon) unlawful. Having lost its integrity to defend against the growing adversities of Spirituality the Church System now stands by passively as the new rules of marriage are set in place.

As the Church guidelines are systematically being removed from our social agenda we are seeing more human and environmental issues becoming less important and certain individual entertainment appetites as the purpose of our efforts and causes. Hollywood can no longer boast of fashion as now competing for best dress is a primary focus for most members at Sunday services. “Come as you are”, only applies to those who can’t afford to make a fashion statement.

Items of human characterization have begun to fade along with the demise of many natural elements.

Water, Air and even areas of (brown-earth) Earth have been deprived of its ability to replenish itself though the common process of natural recycle-ship. Our life sustaining eco-system has been compromised to the point that many of the kingdoms of this world are in jeopardy. These include the Insect, Animal, Bird, Mineral and even the Human kingdom!

The lack of mans integrity has proven to be the major influence initiating the consequences that now face each of the kingdoms, which must be fluent in order that life resources are maintained for all future life on earth.

In the persona expressed by the many ministers of today’s religions, monetary gain and/or social dominance over rule the standards of integrity. This is evident by the fact of the overwhelming number of storefront churches that now line our streets. In many cases these little storefront imitators outnumber the mom and pop stores three to one. Examples include a two block strip where there are some twenty one storefront churches yet only eight mom and pop food stores. Factors also reveal the crime and other social concerns are not impacted at all from the presence of so many storefront imitators. Fact is these storefront churches impose many of the social ills these communities now face. Truth is these churches have become part of the problems as they compete with each other over community dollars.

“AND MANY FALSE PROPHETS SHALL RISE, AND SHALL DECEIVE MANY”

At no other time in the history of this country has the influence of the church been so paradoxical. The Art of churching is featured in ones moral character and is epitomized by the behavior of the heart.

When “anything goes” as in today’s church, then it becomes self evident that our churches have lost its true purpose and integrity has no base in society.

Rarely during human history have we so globally and pervasively come in contact with realities of impermanence, interdependence and anatman, the notion of no self?

They are evidenced in the texture of our lives.  Our values and behaviors are a flickering kaleidoscope that is accelerating in its spin.

Most of our Gods are dead.  Science and its extroverted child, technology, is failing to fulfill their promise of providing the panacea (cure-all) of suffering.  Though their deepest level of inquiry and most misguided implementations, they elucidate the uncertainty underlining the very existence of matter, energy, time, space and the certainty of perpetual flux (change).

We have looked away from ourselves for so long, that we have forgotten who we are.  As we get more proficient in the game of distracting ourselves from ourselves, we continue to create a structure of the self that is alienated and always starving.  We do not trust ourselves and are inheriting and perpetuating a life of anxiety, self-hatred and fear.  It is getting harder and harder to ignore the pain.

The howling comes from one’s heart, from the television, from school and from the house next door.  To feel the chaos and the pervasive suffering should be the turning point. 

No wonder so many of our families are destining to fail.  No wonder our

Laws have none or very little impact on right and wrong today.  No wonder so many people find it easy or even entertaining to hate and abuse others who, on the outside are

different from them.  No wonder we have so much crime and deaths that are preventable, yet over whelms, even our religious institutions. Shamelessness has become a limitless entity in today’s social structure.

No wonder our social issues continue to rise.Today’s church stands on no humanitarian platform. Racism tops the chart of social misbehavior and the church remains passive on the subject as if it’ll go away because of some unforeseen ethical awaking.

With such nihilism facing today’s church the question becomes; “What’s the purpose of the church”?

Throughout history, there have been many spiritual leaders who have shamelessly exploited their followers

 

The search for virtue and truthfulness is in fact a journey within -- a journey to understanding yourself, your soul, and to make it as pure as possible. In this way, humans come as close as they can to the Divine.

As many converge on the grounds of the Church each Sunday morning their purpose is no longer Divinity but rather to enjoy the minister’s mode of entertaining his guest. Some even play with God by performing acts that suggest they are over filled with the “Holy Spirit”, only to return home and continue with the same behavior that caused them to come to church in the first place.

Most have no idea that the Church is the major path to our Divinity, which is our real purpose for being here!

Here in this 21st Century, the Church is the least of our serious efforts. One clue as to how far our Church has failed us is to ask anyone, Ministers included, what is the meaning of “AMEN”?

You’ll hear many struggling with the one word answer yet none will prevail. Divine growth is the process of the Church. Once the Church loses sight of its process, we’ve all lost the meaning of whom and what we are. To not know who you are means to not know God. To not know God means to not know what we are.

Our Churches are failing in that it has lost its Philosophical art of teaching us who and what we are. It therefore has lost its Divine attitude regarding mans relationship with God and Man.

It’s time we looked inside our hearts and minds and began the initiation process of Reform for the Church System in this USA!

It’s time for Church Reform!

PEACE!

John L. Norris

Director, SDI, Inc.

PO Box 40887

Rochester NY. 14604

Well I took the Grls to there unkl. Wen he came from the back, he looked jus like my husband. As of tonite, I sed I will no longer call him that. After all that has happened, how I have felt like he literally held me and the Grls n one hand ovr the cliff, and he let us go to chase principles that kno nothing of him, I will not b abl to continue on. Their Unkl looked jus like him, well their dad looks jus like their Unkl.
Selfishly I wished him n Abba cud change places. Even though, I kno he doesn't deserve it. Plus his bro has done his time, n did more than.... Ok was gonna say that and that ain't true. Abba has done more time, n that y I think he is jus I instatutionalized.
Well I guess we c.
NJoy

Dear Friend,
For weeks now, House Republicans have been holding America hostage, and
threatening to wreak havoc with our credit rating and our economy. They
have refused to raise the debt ceiling unless their extremist policies are
enacted, policies that place more importance on defending tax loopholes
for corporate jets than on preserving Medicare and Social Security.
Enough is enough. Tell President Obama to invoke the 14th Amendment, to
raise the debt ceiling without Congress, end this crisis, and tell the
House Republicans to go take a hike.
The 14th Amendment to the Constitution clearly states that the validity of
the U.S. government's debt "shall not be questioned." Leaders from
President Clinton to Representative James Clyburn to have called upon the
president to invoke these powers.
Republicans, apparently unable to read, have tried to claim that doing
this would be unconstitutional. But these same Republicans have held
America hostage for too long. It is time for President Obama to move ahead
without them, and use the powers given to him by the Constitution. If the
Republicans really want to take their claims to court, let them. But right
now, it's time to end this long, national nightmare.
Enough is enough. Tell President Obama to use his 14th Amendment powers to
end this crisis.

John L Norris

Ok, so my horoscope was really hard to get to. As usual, I am at the JOB and the websites are secured. This job I am stickin wit it, cuz it's a job, and there r a lot worse things or harder things I may say 2 hav 2 do 2 get a ck. 

On hold wit these ppl from the TAP, so I can tajke this loan and evything out. I didnt tell u, I am takin a loan out, cuz what I am doin now is not wrkin. I need 2 get this car outta my Mom name, and help me 2 b a lil at ease wit out havin to make them hi ass auto pymnts. I thought at first, that I wanted 2 get rid of this vehicle, but I think I might jus keep it, and that way it b paid for. Well not really. The loan I hav 2 pay now is hi on interest, in someone else name, and on top of that it it's demandin. 

U take a loan out for cost of livin right? Pay bak slow and further my edu. It's jus sad 2 me that i didn't decide to get a loan until I needed the money 2 get this laid bak cool out that I want. 

These folks got me on hold forevr.

Ain't this funny, time is very precious, even though some wud say that time is not real.

U mus make the best of it though.

1:30, and we r now bout to start some wrk.

This day went by pretty quik. At wrk now just waiting and watchin the clock tick
tick tock tick
ughhh
i am getting pretty tired of the same ol same
gotta go get my friend Iron W
can't wait haven't seen him in a long time
well whatevr i can't wait to get the hell outta here
tick tock tick
NJoy

Dream Wife

Ma is grown and sexy, so she proned to let bone and wet thee

I love it when she moan and carress me

alone is when she check me

lower her tone as she respect G

then she in the cut where the chrome be, playin her part, our secrets stay in the dark

when I'm OT my presence stay in her heart, she obeying the bark

smelling sweet scented, snatchin me deep in it, makin me leak in it, and sink my teeth in it

her ebony tone and heavenly moan

I need a a down chick, who let the pound spit, scream on the copo sound sick, discovered the stash and placed back where she found it,

I need a good girl, from the hood world, who make my toes curl, and the pipe leak, like a true at night freak

I got a thug in a dress, rubbing my chest, and her lovin is the best

she hold it down steady while she huggin the rest, wit snub in the breast

makin sure I stay snug in the vest, I got her rebirthed,

When times be worst, in her eyes I see the hurt, bleeding from love, needin a hug, upset my boo and I'm squeezing a slug,

breathe easy girl ain't no reason to bug, you soft and tender, cookin dinner, that makes me surrender, and stay for the night, cancel my plans and lay for the night, the kid pray for the Sight, of our day in the light, to hop the broom, while they drop the toon,

every day is a honeymoon when we lock the room, and I rock the womb,

You are my dream wifey, who scheme shiesty, and likes her ring icey (smilin and laughin)

R.T. Sutton

2 times 3 sure beats me

 19

aknowledge the power that has been given to me

Kno is one thing

knowing is only 1/2 the battle homie

#1 African recipe

best seller

selling words author

wonders what he has to offer

will he ever b abl to STOP!!!

and mentally rub her

insecure,

not really wanting her so he uses the rubbers to rub her

Physically ignoring the Queen

she has all the opportunity and potential to b

Be

BeComing

SomeThing

outside of my ordinary me

Now I'm sleepy

got eyes and still can't see

the damed thing

you don't love me cuz YOU love chicken, pies, and cake

and weed and....

I'm really everywhere.

Literally.

Don't kno what I'm doin

Question all the time wethr I'm comin or goin

Nevr been this gone

you don't know what you got till it's gone

don't know what you got till it's gone

that's y I am scared to loose it

Even though I nevr really lost it

couldn't loose it

The reading sed I never even had it

It was destined to only last a season

unless i continue to endure harsh winters storms

But is that worth it?

I mean I like reeses pieces,

but damn, $25 for a small bag?

I am so tired of paying a lot for such small packages

Love Button

LOVE BUTTON by Paul "Negrito" Noel ~2011

I remember when just a single thought of U made my bone rise, embarrassing I know, causing me to be confined to my desk, seated, using mind control, waiting for that virtual cold shower to take effect. I would frequently miss lunch sitting there trying not to remember UR naked body laying on my Posturepedic King size... with extra foam bed.  U will be frequently posing there looking all soft and smelling like lavender lotion from head to UR pinky-toe waiting for my eyes to meet URS, my smile to break URS into laughter, my lips to find that tickle spot on UR neck, upper back, lower back, lower than that, finding that...sweet spot..just to thrill U.  I see U tensing up...waiting4 my teeth to nibble softly in those unexpected places causing you to twist and turn awakening UR want...


I drive the long way home trying to force my mind not to remember how I would turn into the driveway to find UR SUV parked there --crooked--then turn the key and find U laying there -sweet side down- reading twilight, wearing 1 of my Steelers T-shirts - covering nothing butt that round... that ever so perfectly round twin bubble kadunk which greet me by rising slowly up, up, up into the air pointing to the heavens in a sort of prayerful manner. I shake my head counting my blessings, trying not to split my lip smiling.
I stare at the empty space tying my best not to recall times when I would stand there at the bedroom door looking, playing with my car keys with a bottle of Sharz in hand trying to figure out the line Sade just sang. I stare at the teasing U make of UR talented buttocks dancing the quick step and as it wiggles... hmm... 'Negrito's kryptonite' well, I only gaze, it speaks to me...I interpret its language easily. This time it is calling my name and calling me naughty names like "come daddy", "big black daddy", like "lover", "my sweet gentle lover", like "don't stop get it get it", like "harder please harder" and like "too hard back up a bit please baby" and like "oh god I'm coming" as I flip U and bend U into all sorts of letters only found in the Chinese alphabet.


I fall out of the thought of us finally and crash into reality to find myself alone at the kitchen table, oven timer going off, the flickering of the changing commercials one after another create a weird psychedelic color scheme on all four walls which seem to be closing in.  The bottle is half empty now, it sits there keeping me company--counter top. Now I wonder- Why didn't my soul see in U then, what my eyes see in U now? You are so beautiful, smart and sexy. I will forever remember U that way. U say U want a new beginning, but so much time has past. Not sure if I have the strength to go back there.  I know that there is something within me which still loves U, I feel it at times. I remember a life of no doubt or pain... I miss those days too. UR sunflower plant U left behind needs watering. EVO says you called. So I reach deep into my soul and extend my warm hand to touch U, but I feel NOTHING! Sadly where done ~PaulAEN 2011

This is amazing, still he can teach me something. It's like he speaks to me
Not by chance

My youngest was jus playin with this poodle that their Dad gave me. I tol them I miss there daddy, and he gave me that on V Day. 
My oldest sed she misses her daddy too. She then asks me wat he did to go to jail. I tol her he did not follow and abide by the law. I also tol her that their Daddy wud hav to tell her. She asked me what the law was. 
She stumped me. Well the law is a set of rules u follow by.... Jus as I am starting to say more, she says 'the law is of God mommy?' 
Wow then she asks where God is. I tell her evywhere in u n me n u sister all of us. Then she asks me 'is God in ur head or ur heart mommy?'.
Wow 
NJoy

I love you (without spoken words)

They say life is what you make it.
We are what we make us.
When we play with life, we also play with our selves.
When we see life as being this hard and upsetting event, it's because we're playing with our lives and our selves.
The question then becomes, do we know how to stop playing with our lives?
Do we know how to stop playing with our selves?
Who do we think we are anyway?
Life is not ours to play with!
We have a chance to live and share and enjoy life and yet we play with it and cry about how life treats us.
If only we can just learn how to stop playing with our LIFE!

Paul Lawrence Dunbar wrote "Life".

A CRUST of bread and a corner to sleep in,
A minute to smile and an hour to weep in,
A pint of joy to a peck of trouble,
And never a laugh but the moans come double;
And that is life!


A crust and a corner that love makes precious,
With a smile to warm and the tears to refresh us;
And joy seems sweeter when cares come after,
And a moan is the finest of foils for laughter;
And that is life!
John Lee Norris

I am scared sometimes becuz of what happen b4
I am scared sometime even though I am told I shudnt b anymore
Still carrying the weight of past times, even though I talk to myself and say "that past i hav no more"


I am scared to turn the knob
Push and explore the world
That's jus on the othr side of the door.
Too many doors.
Is it really too many though.
I kno I can't go wrong when jus going wit the flow
Conflicting
My thoughts are jumbled and distorted more than b4


Ugh
once again,
I have no clue what's behind that door
True.
They do say
U have to take a leap of faith
But................
Do you?

Is it selfish to hurt when you want and can't have? When you have others who look at you hurt and feel bad for you because you hurt about someone else and not them.If you forget about self, would that end their hurt?

Do we hurt because we just don't know what the hell we're doing in life?

Can we end some pain if we decided that what causes such pain, I can put on hold or just do without?

Should I just give the kids away so I can hang out and date as i want too?

OR

Should I just forget about a nigga and my self and give the kids all my Mind, heart and Love.

Is Love a thing or just a mental antic?

Do I really  lose or miss anything if I can make physical love.

Do I have the right to feel good with a man or woman at the exspense of others?

What is it that I really want?

Do I even know?

I know my kids love me for sure, for now.

Will I lose that real love if I keep allowing them to see me sad?

I think I know what I have to do now! 

 

John Lee Norris

Had to whoop my kids butt 3 times today. Crazy. They runnin. Around the post office, aftr they done cut my box off. Tryin to listen and chastise them. They always get somewhere and act like they dont hav no home training or commen sense. They both really do feel like they hav a touch of ADD.
My olest of the twins act like she jus has to b heard and get he las few words out all the time. That drives me insane. Jus won't listen. I tol them since they cut up n the post ofc and Family Dollar.
Look I'm yellin at the youngest now. My husband doesn't understand y I now jus want a divorce. He claims that I am jus unsupportive of his non thinking ass wen I am here goin crazy wit these girls. He shud b here to help. I didn't have them on him we hadthem together.
He had the nerve to send me a letter talkin bout he can't believe that I am talkin to him knowin that all the shit he has accepted from me that I hav done.
Yes, I have done things. Things would hav nevr happen had he not been the unfaithful husband and selfish arrogant bastard that he is.
I had a hard time tellin u certain things, this is actuly a little bit of old news. Didnt really even go ovr the fact that we all were supposed to get a trailer visit. Our freakin trailer was on the 30th of this month. He through it all away. I still feel a lil empty. The first time he can bring me a lil joy and he goes and throws it away. He throws it away wit it bein a rational (to him)thought. He sat and thought about what he did. He made a conscious decision to throw away his good time and say the hell wit the trailer and the hell wit his family. What does he not get bout that. I am here failin on love ovr and I've again. Being miserable for my kids. Mad cuz I sex n the beginning u hav to b here to help. Do t get me wrong I can do it by myself, but I sur hell do t want to. I'm not either. It's not fair to my babies eithr. How does he not c that?
Well infuses I continue to try and get a buzz from this wine. This IB 800 shud b kickin n soon. I am gonna jus b patient. I hav so many things that I wanna do. No finances, and no day are. Crazy insane. What mothers don't go through this these days bi jus hate bein a statistic and the men I deal wit need to quit hatin to b a statistic too.
I'll finish watching the Never Endin Story wit the Grls
NJoy

So it's 8:15, the Grls r n the tub splashim around and wettin up the floor. It's time I stop bein so miserabl and heart broken from every direction. I mean like I sed b4 I can't keep cryin like I am a victim, especially if I jus sit there n get beat the hell up.
Lookin at them, and they deserve not to hav a care n the world. Everything shud b jus fine; cuz even wen interpreted like it's not okay, reality is it's jus fine.
I always tell myself it's not what happens it's how u handle the things that happen. Too bad I ant make myself follow through and behave wit that mind frame. I think I hav a habbit of initially gettin beat the hell up by my emotional self. Then once the beating he's good I say 'wait this ain't really what's going on'. I say that in my Hillary Banks voice, u kno from Fresh Prince. I cud watch reruns of that all day. I think I will.
Anyways....
I hear my oldest talkin bout stay n the tub I giv u a beer.
C I was jus gettin to that. I gotta stop bein miserable round my babies. Wen u do that they pik up on all those negative attitudes, and they begin to respond to everything n life, even the good coincidence wit a negative response. Disbelief that good cud happen to me sort of defeatous attitude. Yes I started screaming that n my head toward the end. I feel like that.
I'm too smart for depression. Jus feelings hurtin.
Well I hav to smile - vs- frow. My babies need that and deserve that from me.
Thanks for bein that ear
NJoy

The History of the WarLord Kron

" THE HISTORY OF WARLORD KRON"

by

Paul 'Negrito' Noel


 SUPERIMPOSED across the SCREEN are the WORDS.

                                    BUTINA - 1,122 B.C

The CAMERA sets-on a torch blowing in the wind as a shadowy figure passes. Begin to  blur.  Now RE-FOCUS to find warlord KRON, rough looking monster of a man, Kingly in his posture, walking along a carved-out path in the belly of a cave

EXT. KRON CAVE – ALWAYS NIGHT
WARLORD KRON enters a damp room trailed by a little, odd-looking man.  KRON chose a new advisor BEATOS minutes ago. The former tasted the end of a sharp blade after misspeaking. KRON takes a seat on a make-shift throne placed in the center of the room. Torches flicker behind him, shadowing his good nature.

BEATOS
(slimy voice)
Your plan... of dividing the LEON army will work my lord...  if more of their allies are threaten, troops will be sent to each corner of the earth to protect their crumbling alliance.
KRON turns to pour himself some wine from a wooden goblet. BEATOS chases his attention

BEATOS
 IT WILL BE THEN that we ...ah, YOU, will be able to seize the palace in LEONS weakest position. On that day, all nations will bow before you as ruler of the kingdom!

KRON
What did you say? Come closer and tell me this thing you said.
 BEATOS
I  said nothing, I meant nothing. Please ...please tell me what you would like for me to say to you.
(Under his breath)
My neck is not ripe for picking...

KRON
Stop behaving like sheep.  I have chosen you only because your kind have the gift of sight.  So speak up, what do you see?.

BEATOS
Well, I mentioned something about dividing the troops....taking over the palace and you ...reclaiming your crown?

KRON stares at a SWORD on the caves' wall as the torch lights flicker in the darkness. He walks over and picks it up with both hands. He examines the sword and admires the tiny glitters embedded in the rusty metal.

BEATOS
What a great sword.

KRON
I found it under this throne after my father was killed by a LEONIAN soldier. He would always say that he had a sword which will cause all men to bow before him. He found it in the dungeon beneath the royal palace of LEON. He was playing with his little brother LEON..

FADE IN:

FLASHBACK

INT. ROYAL PALACE – DUNGEON – NIGHT FOR DAY

We see an image run quickly pass the camera.  Another follow soon after.  Camera is on a sword rising to strike.  KRON (10) and his little brother LEON (10) are playing in the palace pretending to be warriors. They are dressed up in over sized armor. They play fight all the way down into the dungeon.

KRON
I will smite you, for I am a mighty warrior who has the mighty sword formed from iron found in the center of the earth. Errr....

LEON
I will break the forces of your darkness with my shield made by the scales of the ancient beast. You cannot harm me.

LEON losses his shield and has his back against a wall. KRON attacks him, driving the mighty warriors' sword into HIS brothers' side. LEON cries out in pain and falls to the ground dead. KRON'S little wooden sword hits the wall behind his brother. The wall begins to crumble and break away.

LEON
(getting up from the ground)
Look what you did, I am telling father

KRON
I barely hit it.  Besides, I am older, I will be easily forgiven.

LEON
Look! There is a hole. I wonder if there is a room on the other side?

KRON
Treasure!?

They exchange thrilled smiles. KRON begins to pull away at the crumbling clay/mud/dung WALL, LEON eagerly joins. It reveals a small crawlspace.   There is just enough space for a child to fit through. KRON grabs a torch from the wall and throws it inside

LEON
There is a room in there. I'm going through

KRON
No, I'm older, let me go first.

LEON
Good idea

INT. HIDDEN ROOM – NIGHT FOR DAY

 There are torches all around the tiny room.  KRON lights one which lights up the entire room to reveal....

LEON
What do you see? Pull me through

KRON
It is just a dirty old statue

KRON pulls his brother through.

LEON
It's one of the ancient kings father would always talks about.

Camera scans a broken statue of a king wrestling a vicious beast. The battle was carved in the mountains solid rock. He wears a tilted crown.  A rusty twisted sword lay at his feet. LEON moves closer to the stoned image

KRON
Do NOT touch that! Let me.

LEON has to touch it and pets the marbled creature

LEON
See, it has no bite

KRON continues to inspect the statue and stands in front of it

KRON
He should kill the beast with his sword, why doesn't he?

LEON pushes passed his brother and grabs the sword

LEON
On guard!

LEON still wants to play and points the sword at KRON. KRON brushes the sword away to notice an inscription written at the base of the statue.

KRON
"A child will slay the beast and cause all nations to bow before him."
They look at each other.  LEON lifts up the sword to slay the beast

KRON
Wait! I am older. Let me have the sword, it was I who saw it first.

LEON
True, but it was I who picked it up first, I will do it

LEON puts the sword into the mouth of the beast ...MUSIC SWELLS...and nothing happens. LEON PUSHES HARDER and harder and then....

MOTHER (O.S)
KRON! WHERE ARE YOU?

They both jump out of their skins in fright and spin around quickly

KRON
OK, we better get back

INT. ROYAL PALACE – HALL WAY – DAY

The boys squeeze themselves through the wall and go upstairs to stand before their mother who begins to fuss over them.

MOTHER
Look at you both, we have visitors here and you are dirty.

Too late the guests walk in and stare at the boys who smile and greet their Aunt and uncle while covered in dirt. The king and Queen of another land far away somewhere

AUNT
Come here you two, it has been long since I have seen you boys. You soon will be old enough to lead your own army. Where is the older? Where is KRON?

One moves forward and smiles. Palms up...KRON moves past him and takes point.

KRON
I am the elder Aunt.

AUNT
Oh my, you two do look so alike. So you are KRON take these. And you the younger have this.

The Aunt gives KRON a set of daggers and LEON gets a necklace. LEON is upset about his gift.

EXT. ROYAL GARDEN - DAY

The boys are sitting around. KRON is playing with his new daggers. LEON looks on with obvious jealousy.

KRON
Since you seem to like these so much. I will give you these daggers and in exchange I want the kings' sword.

LEON
That is a fair exchange, but I want something less important to you...your birthright.

KRON
If that is all you want....very well.

FADE OUT: PRESENT DAY

INT. KRON'S CAVE – CHAMBER – ALWAYS NIGHT

KRON stares at the sword, twisting it. We see his anger begin to grow within him

KRON
LEON becomes the king of this kingdom and renames the land LEON and my father was banished to the hot sands. This sword was suppose to make him the most powerful being in the world. All this time, I have believed lies from an old man who gave away his right to reign!

He throws the sword against the wall, it shatters into pieces and lay on the ground. BEATOS runs out of the room.  The torches light reflects on a shinny piece of metal from its fragments. It shines in his direction. He turns to see a small sword laying on the ground. The rusty sword was just a casing for a beautiful work of art. He walks over and picks it up. The sword is made of solid gold. There is a inscription on the blade.

KRON
"Slay the beast"

KRON is having a fast flashback of the ancient story of his fathers child hood. QUICK SCENE CUTS, then STOP -  Eyes wide open. slowly breaking into a smile...he knows what the sword is for....

That's all I got going on 4 now....to be continued after a beer or two!

I don't kno if I mentioned, my nephew is a rapper. I called a fee places today, I have been sayin since last yr that I wanted to book a few shows for him. I'm smiling. Ever since he was about 3 I hav been tellin his momma to get him n some modeling/acting. I like Disney.
I told myself I wud take my Grls there so they can audition. I b they momager. Lol.
Aftr wrk I met wit this guy to find a location of this lounge that I hav been dreamin about since 18. Crazy can't let this up. It seems to nurse my desires and house all these things that I wud like to do. :)
Well I went to the doctor, and finally had that knot coed on my bak again. It's been there forever. Nevr bothered me until that jerk punched me right on the area where the knot is. He hit it like that's what he aimed to do. It hurted (if there is such a wrd) so bad. Now it gives me pain. It hurts wen I presse or sit bak on it too long. My doc is the best. I tol him wen I was pregnant that I wish he cud b o e of my OB's. He always gave me non prescription advise. He even helped choose my oldest name.
Well hopefully evythin all right. I am sure it is.
That makes me wonder though, what's wrong wit me. Literally.
I am a glutten for punishment. Forget it, Huey came by last night, I got on him again bout him comin by so late. I told him he shudnt really b comin by at all let alone wakin menup knowin how early I have to b at wrk.
I let him massage my feet. Nothin else. I tol him he doesn't deserve that. Surprising he nevr gestured to wanting that again. He truly is a knuclhead. He think he can jus get what he want get giv nothin. He see he wud not bother me anymore and then kicked that we together forever shit. He sed that so I cud hav a false hope or believe he cares and does t kno how. A dumb ass kno how to care he can't help himself wen something he loves he wants to keep. To himself that is. Well whatevr. I shud not hav let him in even if he wine the kids jus tell them sometimes ppl r idiots.
I am tired. Went to the gym signed the kids up for swim lessons. And got me a armpit routine scheded ni am loosen this weight!!! Can't keep goin like this n
Look I am sleep enjoy and goodnight.
NJoy

When we forget that our true nature is Peace and Love, all is wrong in the world.
John L Norris

To be warmed by an open fire is fun. Waking up with no memory of any thing of my life means I can now live in peace and learn to love or hate all over again, WOW!
John L Norris

It's funny, wen I am feeling a lil better things don't come to me as much to write. I am missing him though. Y only God knows. Ok, I'll stop puttin on ass I kno y. My ass is lonely and it jus felt good pretended that we cud b a family. I can't use ppl as a passifier. That's jus not fair.
What is fair these days though really? Who plays fair? Shit point him out. At the end of the day all I want is a man that can b there for me and my kids and love the 3 of us as if we were apart of him. Love us like brothr Sis momma all that jus b loyal and fair. Yes I did say I like to fantasize didnt I.
Like I sed b4 it does feel good aftr him askin to come bak, I tol him there was no way he cud sleep n my bed again. Turnin him down made me feel a lil better. Actin like I don't care doesnt feel good; him not knowing that feels great.
The opposite sex think they so slick dont they? He prolly kno jus what the hell I b thinking.
If u haven't noticed by now this is text message to u.

Well it's the next day, I pretty much fell asleep on y'all. I woke up this morn gettin redy for wrk, and I noticed that my fuckin money missin. Now once again, I have been reckless. I have never been this damn reckless. I counted the $ left and it looks as if someone has taken off wit $55. WTF!!! Whatevr p want, they can hav outta me I jus that type of person. Point blank.
It's got to b Desparation is crazy. It makes ppl make poor choices. I njoy seein ppl in that state though, for one reason alone. U kno wat that reason is? Wen ppl r desperate, they true colors show and u really c where they morals ly. Jus damn don't b a casualty. Too many times I hav been a casulaty to my stupidity and othrs relentess rule to thier devilish lower nature. They damn ego as well.
O well I can't afford to take anymore hits. Jus can't. I have been wasting a tremendous amount of time wit this Dominican dude for these events that 'spacesaver' has asked me to book for her, and jus time to sigh and think about NJoy. That's who matter. NJoy and of course my beautiful babies.
It's funny, my lil Sis is prego right now and she is so beautiful. I jus think bout them trailers. We r all finally goin to hav time to spend wit one anothr as a family.
Yes that's crazy gotta go to somebody damn prison to feel like a family.
My husband is almos perfect. Wen he learns to do the right thing and listen to authority, then he b perfect. Lol. For that reason, I really feel uncomfortable wit jus sayin "YES here I go all the way all of me". I want him and compare evyone to him I find, but it's that 'but' that's gets me all the time. That what if I have wasted all my time and he can not and will not change is what keeps me lookin for more becuz I deserve more. I don't strive for more though and come across more becuz I am steady holdin on. Men use that as an excuse to do what they feel becuz. They r not goin to truly invest emotionally and wholeheartedly becuz they don't kno what I will. Wen he comes home of course.
I blame myself sometimes, cuz I kno the best way of me doin things was to get a divorce. I can't hav my cake and eat it too. It jus doesnt wrk that way.
It's not fair to someone else eithr I guess. I jus wanna b content. I miss my husband and I miss late lover. He was evything I wanted my husband to b, and he often sed 'I jus not u husband' confusing. My dad see I shud b ovr that by now.
So wit all this being sed, what does this all This mean that I hav to do?
Well it means that I have to prioritize my goals for one so I can focus better and since I keep being subject to hav things taken from me cuz I am reckless not hav anyone too close until I get MYself organized and am paying better attention.
As far as my love life..... Close it. No time for too close relationships that includes frens too. Gotta get it together. Say it again b organized and get my shit together.
Focus solely on my goals and my family.
Hope u njoy
 NJoy

Punishment is the authoritative imposition of something negative or unpleasant on a person or animal in response to behavior deemed wrong by an individual or group.The authority may be either a group or a single person, and punishment may be carried out formally under a system of law or informally in other kinds of social settings such as within a family. Negative consequences that are not authorized or that are administered without a breach of rules are not considered to be punishment as defined here
Four fundamental justifications for punishment include: retribution, (Retributive justice is a theory of justice that considers that punishment, if proportionate, is a morally acceptable response to crime, with an eye to the satisfaction and psychological benefits it can bestow to the aggrieved party, its intimates and society)deterrence (Deterrence is the use of punishment as a threat to deter people from committing a crime. Deterrence is often contrasted with retributivism, which holds that punishment is a necessary consequence of a crime and should be calculated based on the gravity of the wrong done), rehabilitation (To restore to useful life, as through therapy and education or To restore to good condition, operation, or capacity.) , and incapacitations such as isolation in order to prevent the wrongdoer's having contact with potential victims. Of the four justifications, only retribution is part of the definition of punishment and none of the other justifications are guaranteed outcomes.

If only some of the conditions inherent in punishment are present, it is generally not regarded as a situation in which it would be accurate to use the term "punishment". Inflicting something negative, or unpleasant, on a person or animal, without authority is considered either spite or revenge rather than punishment. In addition, the word "punishment" is used as a metaphor, as when a boxer experiences "punishment" during a fight. In other situations breaking the rules may be rewarded, and is therefore without negative consequences, and so cannot be considered punishment. Finally the condition of breaking (or breaching) the rules must be satisfied to be considered punishment.

Punishments differ in the degree of severity of their unpleasantness, and may include sanctions such as reprimands, deprivations of privileges or liberty, fines, incarcerations, ostracism, the infliction of pain, and the death penalty. Corporal punishment refers to punishments in which pain is intended to be inflicted upon the transgressor. Punishments may be judged as fair or unfair in terms of their degree of reciprocity and proportionality.[3] Punishment can be an integral part of socialization, and punishing unwanted behaviour is often part of a system of pedagogy or behavioral modification which also includes rewards.

 

Punishment is a different topic that has not been mentioned lately, but often dished out. We all feel that wen someone does us wrong, they shud feel the heat. I know I feel that way often. At the same time though, I know too that it is not up to me to say how. We all hear that Karma and all that. We feel ten times better seeing the consequence for the wrong doin whatever it may b. Well, to hold grudges is burden, and ways heavy on your heart. It takes more energy to hate than to jus let it go.

 

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It's the best. Watching the sky sparkle n a bunch of diff colors n the sky wit the family happy 4th

Well I had fun with the kids today, we played hide and seek and 'I spy wit my lil eye'. It was funny cuz wen I got tired a jus hid behind the chair of the kitchen table. Lol my table is in the middle of the kitchen. Lol they thought I wud hav some real hard hiding place and I scared the crap outta them wen they passed by me for the 3rd time.
We listened to music and I let them jump hard the bed.
Man my mOm had me hot today. My oldest asked for a sucker right b4 I finished cooking dinner. U kno I tol her NO. I also tol her they hav to eat first. Now I gave them they suckers that they Nana bought them to take ovr there. I expected them to eat lunch and them hav that. Y wen I tell her ass No, she tells me "well anyway that's y I ate my sucker at Nanas and I didnt eat".
I am pissed. I tell her no cNdy for the rest of this week. Of course I have to call my mom and ask her whT was up wit her feeing my kids suckers for brkfst. She tells me she didn't feel like gettin up. I tell her I am placing them on punishment and cud she please honks out now they complain how my babies r so bad but ck this she see she won't b able to stick to that. I tol her if she don't stick to that I will jus beat her ass. My mom sex she won't b able to hold off from givin her sweats even though she spoke bad to me.
Well som things I will nevr understand. I don't think othr ppl will get it eithr.
NJoy the day is as good as u let it b for yourself.

I had a beautiful day yesterday. For starters I woke up and laid back down. I rarely get to do that. It felt good. Called one of ,my right hands to wish her happy bday. Called Car as well to wish her a happy bday as well. We chatted for a few, she kept me on hold so I dropped the call lol. Iron W called me and just wanted to make sur that I was still comin to get him for Brunch.

I had forgot, and I also forgot to tell him that I had not been ableto get a sitter, so the kids had to come with us. He and I r the best of friends. He knows me better tahn some, ok better than all my girls. He's around more consitant through my ups and downs, he does not have PERIODS, attitudes and all that so I don't have to worry bout the bullshit. I love and respect him a lot.

I called the place to make sur that it was ok if with our reservations we could still bring the kids. I knew that I need my mom for later this week. There is no way I'ma ask her to watch them.

I glas I didn't, they had so much fun.

The mamosa was alright, the food was awsome. The kids and I had leg of lamb, salmon, and some type of mozzarella tortalini. Muah.

The kids ate that off my plate like I was eating too fast. They had waffles and chicken as well. Let me tell you, all sorts of sweets and treats. I have to take my Papa there. Hands down he will like it.

So you know as I am fixin the twins their waffles, my youngest takes her hand and swipes her freakin finger through the plate of whip cream lol. The older white couple looked at me weird as shit. I didnt even kno wat the hell they were thinkn. I dont kno why that made me a lil embarrassed. I tol her ass not to do nothin like that again.

Whatever.

The chef kept givin me a small ass peice of lamb and salmon, and then he had the nerve to try to serve someone before me. The man tol him that I was there first though. That made me feel good since the chef was bein a PRICK. What was the point of that? Too bad.

Now I called my grl that morn to c if she wanted to do something, and I had left her and my other aquaintace a message sayin Happy Bday. After my second trip to the buffet, my grl calls and ask do I want to go there. I tol her she late and we almos done wit our meal. We are all bout to get deserts. Walkin out she got her mom, aunt, and homegrl. I jus thought to myself 'whatever'. I had a good time wit Iron W. If things were diff I always tell myself. Ok, and if we cud guarentee takin things there doesn't ruin friendships. lol too bad.

Ok, next thought....

Aftr that I still was ok, wit the kids wit my husband, knowin that we are gettin our visit soon. Mayb then we put things bak where it shud b. I miss him sooo much, and I have been wantin to feel him, not jus sex. The fact that I can hav my family act as a family even for a wkend.

It means so much to me to c him c his kids sleep. They come and jump on him to wake him up in the morn. I almos lost hope, that he cud do anything diff. You kno they often say that they are instatutionalized. They can't survive, or b humbl enuf to b anywhere else.

If he only knows jus how good the thought for the end of the month feels. I am willing to pay for him. lol

That's crazy, I ain't really ever jus willin to pay to lay, and have him hold me.

I forgot what it feels like for us to sleep together. I forgot what it feels like for him to touch me. I jus want that intimate kiss, and rub on the side of my face.

If this can come together, then there is hope that he can change for himself and his family. There's hope that he will b abl to support me like I once had from someone else. I need that from my husband. If I cud only tell him how I did the comparison, and that I know now how it feels for someone to love me and share his morals, and loyalty, and supports me. I know what I want. I wish to God my own husband can giv that to me.

Even wit that all being sed though... on to the next.

Askin my Dad to watch the grls was kinda a bumber, but... I sed I ain't gonna go there, and that too will hav to b pushed aside for another day.

I'm laughing to myself right now. In this training class that I hav to take. I hav alredy tol myself if the promotion doesn't come it is not worth my while. I hav not wrked for under $10 an hour in sooo long. Hell I haven't wrked for under $18 in sooo long. My last job I got paid some decent money. Really good, now I miss it. I like to b able to go to the store wen I feel like it, and get what I want. My mortgage and the car note all paid in one ck, and the rest of the bills paid in the next. With one ck to myself like I shud hav. No matter what i make though, or the standing, I am taking me and my babies on vacation this yr again. I tol myself I am not gonna let life pass me by. With given life you have to Live. That's wat i plan on doin.

I ahve no prob sharing it wit my babies either.

That ain't to say though that I don't need a brk cuz I do. I rightfully need to hav fun without my children. That pisses  me off. We not goin there though. lol

I alredy went there.

Ok, bak to wat I was tryin to say earlier, is I left my pants in the basement too long, and even wit the Amberwood body spray and lotion I still smell it. I doubt anyone else does though.

It's not that bad, I remember though wat the pants smelled like b4 I sprayed them. Thsi guy used too smell like that. It's funny the thought jus comes to me. I sed DAMN I remember where I hav smelled that smell. This guy u kno I dare not evr say names lol, don't wanna affend anyone. LOL He always smelled like his wife nevr put his damn clothes in the drier. That's funny.

Now anothr thought comes. I miss my country boy. Davis is extremely handsome, I wud nevr go there, he has no kids and he has a beautiful grlfren. I don't believe in that. Y mess up somebody else world especially wen u can't b a permanant part in it. On well, I am thinkin nout him. He really is a great person. He moved to WA I hope all is well, I make sur that I text him latr.

I hav so many things to do today. I have some papers that I hav to mail out for these family reunion visits, or C visits r in July. I can't wait. I wish I cud sometimes erase all the crazy things that i hav gotten myself n2, but then that wud b regretting. I don't wanna regret nothin. U liv and u learn. Let it go. This has to get on twitter. there r a few things that I hav to do to help Spacesaver get this thing up and runnin. Jus nevr feel like I hav enough time.

---

NJoy

Ok, I went to take my exam today for catering. I don't know how I did. There were a few Q's that I got wrong wit no Q. Oh well, I will hav to take it again if I dont pass. I was the second to las to finish too. Leaving I saw 2 places for rent. Cazy cuz they were 2 spots that I hav ben lookin at for a long time now. Passing by saying to myself wat I wud do if those spots were mine.
I hav ben wantin a lounge since I was 18. I feel it comin close. It's crazy cuz there is so much more I want as well though. I want my hands n evything.
My husband sent me a letr askin for shit again. He doesn't understand y I b so f'n pissed bout him always wantin and needing new sneakers all the time. U r n freakin prison homie dang!!! Lol I don't get it. SMH. O well there r things he doesn't get bout me eithr I guess and he has to deal or not deal. Again though I did say that he doesn't get approved for parole for December I am gettin a divorce. I can't do this anymore. It's played out. I need help raising my girls and accomplishing my goals. Plus they deserv a me role model. They donn hav one at all. I don't want them goin anywhere else for that Fatherly affection.
Anyways
He doesn't get y I am not content wit him. He always asks for more.
This grl keeps askin me bout this darn Shrek game on XBox. I don't hav a clue what's goin on in this game. I used to play all day.
As u c I write jus how I think. Jumbled and subject to subject. All ovr the place. Back to what I was sayin though, immhappy a lil right now. Things hav been goin good. Other than that thing wit my dad and them not bein able to watch my girls for me. That's y though I see I need help. I shudnt hav to call n to wrk to b wit my babies cuz Boone else responsibl for them. I kno som ppl got it worst but.... It's me we talkin bout. Nah let me stop. There r no hard feelings though sommppl jus tired. My Minnelli it to this whole othr place today, talkin bout how they don't hav no family and I need to get used to it. Lol it's all good.
Well enough of that anyway. It's ovr wit and done wit. I forgot to post it yesterday. Sunday was a beautiful day I din get discouraged til askin if I cud bring my babies to my dads in the morn.
Well I miss the encouragement and the help that Ah used to giv. That's the only diff btwn himmand Abba thats my husband by way. Ok more than one diff Ah is dead and Abba stay in prison.
Look goodnight I gotta hav this grl shut this game off it's time for bed. I'm not sleepy, I got plenty of rest yesterday I mean today. I slept in and that felt gray plus I got a fees things taken care of that I really needed to get handled like those papers mailed off. Yes so we can stay the night in a trailer home lol. That's funny that I am excited. I have t had the pop to b close to him in so long. I
I kno I am still trapped I. The Tigers claw though, cuz I still think of him. O. To another man not Ah. Yes I shud b slapped the one hat left me hi and dry. He hasn't called or anything g either. And he sed he loved me. I'm bein fun y. I'm laughing in my head right now.
Y cuzzin tol me I was crazy dating the downgrade like that. I tol him that's o ly cuz I had to pik himmup. He normally nevr looked that ruff. He good now, cuz I meant a hand. Bet u wo t evr get me to do that again. The feelin almos gone though I will b happy wen he didn't even cross through my thoughts anymore. Ok for real. GOODNIGHT!!
NJoy