It's funny, wen I am feeling a lil better things don't come to me as much to write. I am missing him though. Y only God knows. Ok, I'll stop puttin on ass I kno y. My ass is lonely and it jus felt good pretended that we cud b a family. I can't use ppl as a passifier. That's jus not fair.
What is fair these days though really? Who plays fair? Shit point him out. At the end of the day all I want is a man that can b there for me and my kids and love the 3 of us as if we were apart of him. Love us like brothr Sis momma all that jus b loyal and fair. Yes I did say I like to fantasize didnt I.
Like I sed b4 it does feel good aftr him askin to come bak, I tol him there was no way he cud sleep n my bed again. Turnin him down made me feel a lil better. Actin like I don't care doesnt feel good; him not knowing that feels great.
The opposite sex think they so slick dont they? He prolly kno jus what the hell I b thinking.
If u haven't noticed by now this is text message to u.

Well it's the next day, I pretty much fell asleep on y'all. I woke up this morn gettin redy for wrk, and I noticed that my fuckin money missin. Now once again, I have been reckless. I have never been this damn reckless. I counted the $ left and it looks as if someone has taken off wit $55. WTF!!! Whatevr p want, they can hav outta me I jus that type of person. Point blank.
It's got to b Desparation is crazy. It makes ppl make poor choices. I njoy seein ppl in that state though, for one reason alone. U kno wat that reason is? Wen ppl r desperate, they true colors show and u really c where they morals ly. Jus damn don't b a casualty. Too many times I hav been a casulaty to my stupidity and othrs relentess rule to thier devilish lower nature. They damn ego as well.
O well I can't afford to take anymore hits. Jus can't. I have been wasting a tremendous amount of time wit this Dominican dude for these events that 'spacesaver' has asked me to book for her, and jus time to sigh and think about NJoy. That's who matter. NJoy and of course my beautiful babies.
It's funny, my lil Sis is prego right now and she is so beautiful. I jus think bout them trailers. We r all finally goin to hav time to spend wit one anothr as a family.
Yes that's crazy gotta go to somebody damn prison to feel like a family.
My husband is almos perfect. Wen he learns to do the right thing and listen to authority, then he b perfect. Lol. For that reason, I really feel uncomfortable wit jus sayin "YES here I go all the way all of me". I want him and compare evyone to him I find, but it's that 'but' that's gets me all the time. That what if I have wasted all my time and he can not and will not change is what keeps me lookin for more becuz I deserve more. I don't strive for more though and come across more becuz I am steady holdin on. Men use that as an excuse to do what they feel becuz. They r not goin to truly invest emotionally and wholeheartedly becuz they don't kno what I will. Wen he comes home of course.
I blame myself sometimes, cuz I kno the best way of me doin things was to get a divorce. I can't hav my cake and eat it too. It jus doesnt wrk that way.
It's not fair to someone else eithr I guess. I jus wanna b content. I miss my husband and I miss late lover. He was evything I wanted my husband to b, and he often sed 'I jus not u husband' confusing. My dad see I shud b ovr that by now.
So wit all this being sed, what does this all This mean that I hav to do?
Well it means that I have to prioritize my goals for one so I can focus better and since I keep being subject to hav things taken from me cuz I am reckless not hav anyone too close until I get MYself organized and am paying better attention.
As far as my love life..... Close it. No time for too close relationships that includes frens too. Gotta get it together. Say it again b organized and get my shit together.
Focus solely on my goals and my family.
Hope u njoy
 NJoy