Well I had fun with the kids today, we played hide and seek and 'I spy wit my lil eye'. It was funny cuz wen I got tired a jus hid behind the chair of the kitchen table. Lol my table is in the middle of the kitchen. Lol they thought I wud hav some real hard hiding place and I scared the crap outta them wen they passed by me for the 3rd time.
We listened to music and I let them jump hard the bed.
Man my mOm had me hot today. My oldest asked for a sucker right b4 I finished cooking dinner. U kno I tol her NO. I also tol her they hav to eat first. Now I gave them they suckers that they Nana bought them to take ovr there. I expected them to eat lunch and them hav that. Y wen I tell her ass No, she tells me "well anyway that's y I ate my sucker at Nanas and I didnt eat".
I am pissed. I tell her no cNdy for the rest of this week. Of course I have to call my mom and ask her whT was up wit her feeing my kids suckers for brkfst. She tells me she didn't feel like gettin up. I tell her I am placing them on punishment and cud she please honks out now they complain how my babies r so bad but ck this she see she won't b able to stick to that. I tol her if she don't stick to that I will jus beat her ass. My mom sex she won't b able to hold off from givin her sweats even though she spoke bad to me.
Well som things I will nevr understand. I don't think othr ppl will get it eithr.
NJoy the day is as good as u let it b for yourself.

I had a beautiful day yesterday. For starters I woke up and laid back down. I rarely get to do that. It felt good. Called one of ,my right hands to wish her happy bday. Called Car as well to wish her a happy bday as well. We chatted for a few, she kept me on hold so I dropped the call lol. Iron W called me and just wanted to make sur that I was still comin to get him for Brunch.

I had forgot, and I also forgot to tell him that I had not been ableto get a sitter, so the kids had to come with us. He and I r the best of friends. He knows me better tahn some, ok better than all my girls. He's around more consitant through my ups and downs, he does not have PERIODS, attitudes and all that so I don't have to worry bout the bullshit. I love and respect him a lot.

I called the place to make sur that it was ok if with our reservations we could still bring the kids. I knew that I need my mom for later this week. There is no way I'ma ask her to watch them.

I glas I didn't, they had so much fun.

The mamosa was alright, the food was awsome. The kids and I had leg of lamb, salmon, and some type of mozzarella tortalini. Muah.

The kids ate that off my plate like I was eating too fast. They had waffles and chicken as well. Let me tell you, all sorts of sweets and treats. I have to take my Papa there. Hands down he will like it.

So you know as I am fixin the twins their waffles, my youngest takes her hand and swipes her freakin finger through the plate of whip cream lol. The older white couple looked at me weird as shit. I didnt even kno wat the hell they were thinkn. I dont kno why that made me a lil embarrassed. I tol her ass not to do nothin like that again.

Whatever.

The chef kept givin me a small ass peice of lamb and salmon, and then he had the nerve to try to serve someone before me. The man tol him that I was there first though. That made me feel good since the chef was bein a PRICK. What was the point of that? Too bad.

Now I called my grl that morn to c if she wanted to do something, and I had left her and my other aquaintace a message sayin Happy Bday. After my second trip to the buffet, my grl calls and ask do I want to go there. I tol her she late and we almos done wit our meal. We are all bout to get deserts. Walkin out she got her mom, aunt, and homegrl. I jus thought to myself 'whatever'. I had a good time wit Iron W. If things were diff I always tell myself. Ok, and if we cud guarentee takin things there doesn't ruin friendships. lol too bad.

Ok, next thought....

Aftr that I still was ok, wit the kids wit my husband, knowin that we are gettin our visit soon. Mayb then we put things bak where it shud b. I miss him sooo much, and I have been wantin to feel him, not jus sex. The fact that I can hav my family act as a family even for a wkend.

It means so much to me to c him c his kids sleep. They come and jump on him to wake him up in the morn. I almos lost hope, that he cud do anything diff. You kno they often say that they are instatutionalized. They can't survive, or b humbl enuf to b anywhere else.

If he only knows jus how good the thought for the end of the month feels. I am willing to pay for him. lol

That's crazy, I ain't really ever jus willin to pay to lay, and have him hold me.

I forgot what it feels like for us to sleep together. I forgot what it feels like for him to touch me. I jus want that intimate kiss, and rub on the side of my face.

If this can come together, then there is hope that he can change for himself and his family. There's hope that he will b abl to support me like I once had from someone else. I need that from my husband. If I cud only tell him how I did the comparison, and that I know now how it feels for someone to love me and share his morals, and loyalty, and supports me. I know what I want. I wish to God my own husband can giv that to me.

Even wit that all being sed though... on to the next.

Askin my Dad to watch the grls was kinda a bumber, but... I sed I ain't gonna go there, and that too will hav to b pushed aside for another day.

I'm laughing to myself right now. In this training class that I hav to take. I hav alredy tol myself if the promotion doesn't come it is not worth my while. I hav not wrked for under $10 an hour in sooo long. Hell I haven't wrked for under $18 in sooo long. My last job I got paid some decent money. Really good, now I miss it. I like to b able to go to the store wen I feel like it, and get what I want. My mortgage and the car note all paid in one ck, and the rest of the bills paid in the next. With one ck to myself like I shud hav. No matter what i make though, or the standing, I am taking me and my babies on vacation this yr again. I tol myself I am not gonna let life pass me by. With given life you have to Live. That's wat i plan on doin.

I ahve no prob sharing it wit my babies either.

That ain't to say though that I don't need a brk cuz I do. I rightfully need to hav fun without my children. That pisses  me off. We not goin there though. lol

I alredy went there.

Ok, bak to wat I was tryin to say earlier, is I left my pants in the basement too long, and even wit the Amberwood body spray and lotion I still smell it. I doubt anyone else does though.

It's not that bad, I remember though wat the pants smelled like b4 I sprayed them. Thsi guy used too smell like that. It's funny the thought jus comes to me. I sed DAMN I remember where I hav smelled that smell. This guy u kno I dare not evr say names lol, don't wanna affend anyone. LOL He always smelled like his wife nevr put his damn clothes in the drier. That's funny.

Now anothr thought comes. I miss my country boy. Davis is extremely handsome, I wud nevr go there, he has no kids and he has a beautiful grlfren. I don't believe in that. Y mess up somebody else world especially wen u can't b a permanant part in it. On well, I am thinkin nout him. He really is a great person. He moved to WA I hope all is well, I make sur that I text him latr.

I hav so many things to do today. I have some papers that I hav to mail out for these family reunion visits, or C visits r in July. I can't wait. I wish I cud sometimes erase all the crazy things that i hav gotten myself n2, but then that wud b regretting. I don't wanna regret nothin. U liv and u learn. Let it go. This has to get on twitter. there r a few things that I hav to do to help Spacesaver get this thing up and runnin. Jus nevr feel like I hav enough time.

---

NJoy

Ok, I went to take my exam today for catering. I don't know how I did. There were a few Q's that I got wrong wit no Q. Oh well, I will hav to take it again if I dont pass. I was the second to las to finish too. Leaving I saw 2 places for rent. Cazy cuz they were 2 spots that I hav ben lookin at for a long time now. Passing by saying to myself wat I wud do if those spots were mine.
I hav ben wantin a lounge since I was 18. I feel it comin close. It's crazy cuz there is so much more I want as well though. I want my hands n evything.
My husband sent me a letr askin for shit again. He doesn't understand y I b so f'n pissed bout him always wantin and needing new sneakers all the time. U r n freakin prison homie dang!!! Lol I don't get it. SMH. O well there r things he doesn't get bout me eithr I guess and he has to deal or not deal. Again though I did say that he doesn't get approved for parole for December I am gettin a divorce. I can't do this anymore. It's played out. I need help raising my girls and accomplishing my goals. Plus they deserv a me role model. They donn hav one at all. I don't want them goin anywhere else for that Fatherly affection.
Anyways
He doesn't get y I am not content wit him. He always asks for more.
This grl keeps askin me bout this darn Shrek game on XBox. I don't hav a clue what's goin on in this game. I used to play all day.
As u c I write jus how I think. Jumbled and subject to subject. All ovr the place. Back to what I was sayin though, immhappy a lil right now. Things hav been goin good. Other than that thing wit my dad and them not bein able to watch my girls for me. That's y though I see I need help. I shudnt hav to call n to wrk to b wit my babies cuz Boone else responsibl for them. I kno som ppl got it worst but.... It's me we talkin bout. Nah let me stop. There r no hard feelings though sommppl jus tired. My Minnelli it to this whole othr place today, talkin bout how they don't hav no family and I need to get used to it. Lol it's all good.
Well enough of that anyway. It's ovr wit and done wit. I forgot to post it yesterday. Sunday was a beautiful day I din get discouraged til askin if I cud bring my babies to my dads in the morn.
Well I miss the encouragement and the help that Ah used to giv. That's the only diff btwn himmand Abba thats my husband by way. Ok more than one diff Ah is dead and Abba stay in prison.
Look goodnight I gotta hav this grl shut this game off it's time for bed. I'm not sleepy, I got plenty of rest yesterday I mean today. I slept in and that felt gray plus I got a fees things taken care of that I really needed to get handled like those papers mailed off. Yes so we can stay the night in a trailer home lol. That's funny that I am excited. I have t had the pop to b close to him in so long. I
I kno I am still trapped I. The Tigers claw though, cuz I still think of him. O. To another man not Ah. Yes I shud b slapped the one hat left me hi and dry. He hasn't called or anything g either. And he sed he loved me. I'm bein fun y. I'm laughing in my head right now.
Y cuzzin tol me I was crazy dating the downgrade like that. I tol him that's o ly cuz I had to pik himmup. He normally nevr looked that ruff. He good now, cuz I meant a hand. Bet u wo t evr get me to do that again. The feelin almos gone though I will b happy wen he didn't even cross through my thoughts anymore. Ok for real. GOODNIGHT!!
NJoy