Thank u. U really turned my night around. Really u did. A maid though? U funny. It ain't that good. Lmao. \
It would b nice at least one night per week. He or she cud start laundry and and so the good cleaning. With them still being young especially the baby. I pull out the mop every night. It's not an option unless we eat out somewhere. Lmao\
I love all I invest in them though. It wears me out and make me very exhausted but in the end they should hopefully stay focused and as u say stay sucka free so they can follow their dreams unlike me. Waiting so late in the game. \
:) \
I check their rooms later in the night after my shower or bath and I finally smile. It's all worth it. \
I just b heart broken sometimes cuz I know how much further I can be if I had the help. But hey. It may take a little longer long as I get there and have the moments to enjoy it though. :) \
Life is how u mentally process it. It would prolly b best if u were to call after dinner time. Everyday same routine. The girls r arguing and the baby is making a mess while I cook and plate their food so u call right in the middle of all the chaos lmao. Well not chaos just wrk time. \
I don't mean to b a drag. Think all the overtime and my monthly and.......... Idk I act like a woman. Lmao!!!! \
I do have to remind ppl that I have my moments too. Behind all the positive quotes and motivational speeches and bright smiles and I am moody and can b a lil off lmao! I'm definitely not predictable either. Lmao. \
That's when u get to know me. \
I was gonna finish folding laundry. Man please I'm bout to take a nap. Shut this door so he can't get out and pass out for a few. :) \
Thank u again for making me smile. Through all the pressure and tasks I forget to talk to myself and make myself feel good sometime. \
And yes I am gonna b smarter. I usually always save good, just can't feel bad when bad things happen and make ways to help. My dumb ass b coming up wit the ways too SMH. Fuckin sucka I b being. Lmao I learned now though. I never will give all again. \
Not even to my kids. I had been doin that too but shooooooot. They gonna grow up and even in they teenage years they not gonna wanna b bothered. Lol. Not till they grown and settled. :) and need babysitters lmao. \

I am gonna call the realtor in the Morning and let him I found something I like. It may not b the best bit it's something and I can rent it out.
I love my babies.
Crazy. Have a good night. We watchin ratatouille.

The new side to me

I haven't been desiring my husband lately. That feels good. I want him but not this him. I haven't been writing much lately becuz I must admit I did not handle him moving out well.
Everyone wondered why I was so angry and hurt. Well I explained to him that once he got the rest of his things it was over for good. That he could not come back. Moving his things means that he was making another permanent Decision to split. I can't just keep allowing him to leave and come back whenever he felt like it.
I have been crying the same cries forever. Texting the same things forever.......
I've been standing my ground lately for the most part. It angers me though he takes the sex rather I want it or not.
He told me he has a right I'm still his wife I belong to him. I have no right to say no.
It's just crazy. Once he powers me down I go along with it. It's not when and how I want it though.
I do want my husband but with him wanting to be a family man. Or at least knowing and wanting to balance the streets and family.
I've been hearing that he gets really drunk even out in public even at the bar now. Crazy.
His mom was supposed to watch the kids one night and he came talked crap bout how I was lying about going to wrk. Played with the kids and next thing u know they asked me was Daddy dead. Lmao. He just passed out sleep. Smh
He's getting so skinny his underwear r fallin off his butt.
He never looks like this. I love him and don't even know why. When I think about his battle with alcohol I just feel hurt.

Well enough of him. Cuz he pissed me off coming to bring his sons BDay cake when the party was over. Luckily I had the kids decorating cupcakes.
I bumped into someone from my past.
Long story short he's been 

It's 9:22pm and I am finally laying down. Lol. Cleaning up the kitchen and homework and preppin food for tomorrow and Tuesdays r our hot coca nights so we did cookies and milk Insted read a book For bed and put a load in the wash. Cleaned up shit cause he pooped all over my floor and then played in it lmao!!!! 
It is filled and packed my life. I truly enjoy my life though. Proud to be taking and training them. They better not disappoint me all the hard wrk I put into them. 
Changed my bed linen made my bed all nice and fresh took a quik shower and now I'm watching ratatouille with my son. He is stuck on it too. Lol
He likes talking animals. Guess I have to start training him to sleep in his own bed. I brought his playpen inside so it can b at the foot of my bed. Or on the side. But I b wantin someone to cuff and cuddle with myself. Lmao. Hate sleeping alone. Most times. Lol. 
Well. Goodnight. Have to start all over again.