I have been drinking a lot lately, and I keep saying that I am goin to stop. When? Hopefully aftr this wkend. Wen I walk into the room the kids r actually behaving. That amazes me. I kno it really shudnt but it does.
They jus have so much nrgy. I am constantly yellin and talkin to them ovr and ovr again. That gets annoying and tiring.
Evybody always say 'u got them like that spoiled as shit'. I want anithr baby too. Jus w t evything to b right b4 I do. Raising kids on ur own is lame. The niggas r lame who leave us do hav to do so as well.
Laying here enjoying my oldest ask questions about Horton Heard A Who. That's the movie they or we r all watching.
Goodnight. Love to write although I better njoy the moment.
I jus thought this, :) my dad always says 'we will all do well the devil is in hell'
NJoy

 

Thank You so much for your good books and wonderful Q & A session. Kieth Lee Johnson. Get his books if u havent already. Black Girl Lost series

It's funny, wen I am feeling a lil better things don't come to me as much to write. I am missing him though. Y only God knows. Ok, I'll stop puttin on ass I kno y. My ass is lonely and it jus felt good pretended that we cud b a family. I can't use ppl as a passifier. That's jus not fair. 
What is fair these days though really? Who plays fair? Shit point him out. At the end of the day all I want is a man that can b there for me and my kids and love the 3 of us as if we were apart of him. Love us like brothr Sis momma all that jus b loyal and fair. Yes I did say I like to fantasize didnt I. 
Like I sed b4 it does feel good aftr him askin to come bak, I tol him there was no way he cud sleep n my bed again. Turnin him down made me feel a lil better. Actin like I don't care doesnt feel good; him not knowing that feels great. 
The opposite sex think they so slick dont they? He prolly kno jus what the hell I b thinking. 
If u haven't noticed by now this is text message to u. 

Well it's the next day, I pretty much fell asleep on y'all. I woke up this morn gettin redy for wrk, and I noticed that my fuckin money missin. Now once again, I have been reckless. I have never been this damn reckless. I counted the $ left and it looks as if someone has taken off wit $55. WTF!!! Whatevr p want, they can hav outta me I jus that type of person. Point blank. 
It's got to b Desparation is crazy. It makes ppl make poor choices. I njoy seein ppl in that state though, for one reason alone. U kno wat that reason is? Wen ppl r desperate, they true colors show and u really c where they morals ly. Jus damn don't b a casualty. Too many times I hav been a casulaty to my stupidity and othrs relentess rule to thier devilish lower nature. They damn ego as well. 
O well I can't afford to take anymore hits. Jus can't. I have been wasting a tremendous amount of time wit this Dominican dude for these events that 'spacesaver' has asked me to book for her, and jus time to sigh and think about NJoy. That's who matter. NJoy and of course my beautiful babies. 
It's funny, my lil Sis is prego right now and she is so beautiful. I jus think bout them trailers. We r all finally goin to hav time to spend wit one anothr as a family. 
Yes that's crazy gotta go to somebody damn prison to feel like a family. 
My husband is almos perfect. Wen he learns to do the right thing and listen to authority, then he b perfect. Lol. For that reason, I really feel uncomfortable wit jus sayin "YES here I go all the way all of me". I want him and compare evyone to him I find, but it's that 'but' that's gets me all the time. That what if I have wasted all my time and he can not and will not change is what keeps me lookin for more becuz I deserve more. I don't strive for more though and come across more becuz I am steady holdin on. Men use that as an excuse to do what they feel becuz. They r not goin to truly invest emotionally and wholeheartedly becuz they don't kno what I will. Wen he comes home of course. 
I blame myself sometimes, cuz I kno the best way of me doin things was to get a divorce. I can't hav my cake and eat it too. It jus doesnt wrk that way. 
It's not fair to someone else eithr I guess. I jus wanna b content. I miss my husband and I miss late lover. He was evything I wanted my husband to b, and he often sed 'I jus not u husband' confusing. My dad see I shud b ovr that by now. 
So wit all this being sed, what does this all This mean that I hav to do?
Well it means that I have to prioritize my goals for one so I can focus better and since I keep being subject to hav things taken from me cuz I am reckless not hav anyone too close until I get MYself organized and am paying better attention.
As far as my love life..... Close it. No time for too close relationships that includes frens too. Gotta get it together. Say it again b organized and get my shit together. 
Focus solely on my goals and my family. 
Hope u njoy
  NJoy

Ok I haven't written n a few days. A lot has been goin on it feels like. Just to catch u up a lil bit, the man calls, and I tell him that I think I am pregnant again. B4 he see it made him smile, the only thing that made him smile in the 3 weeks that we had been apart. I was still mad at him I jus want someone here. I need help and the youngest of the twins right now has jus stopped pissin all ovr herself and all in the bed evynight. That had menfeelin bad. I sed that I wud not let them go through withdrawal like that again. The othr man they ha gotten attached to died.
Moving along, how did I even start to feel bad for not wanting to make him smile I don kno.

Confessions of A Lost Soul.....

I am tripping about how this nigga think it's ok to just come at me any ole kind of way.This shit is getting out of control.i am so tired of this nigga,he act like he is a certified nut sometimes.I finally picked up the phone and decided to call him,he answered after it rung several times.Before I can even speak into the receiver he just started blasting on me.Yelling all types of shit like"I told you to call me when you fucking grow up,and i know your ass gonna need time to grow,so I decided to go scoop my other bitch,the grown one!!"I looked at the receiver and could hardly breathe.I knew he had hung up.I was not calling this bitch back,and i mean that shit!I showered and decided to call my cousin "KB",this bitch always kept a party goiung.I  knew she would have something up her sleeve to make me feel a little better.She told me to get  ready "in her words get sexy" and she was on her way with a surprise for me.By the time she got to my house i was just about ready to leave,she told me that her brother had grown some new shit and that it smoked really good.though I didn't smoke,i was dstill what people considered a Hustla's Wife,and I would definetly flip some shit.We headed to a local club and as soon as we got in trhe building the bitches started hating asnd the niggas was watching.So as usual we gave they asses something to watch and hate on.We rocked that bitch like we was suppose to be there.
The night was coming to an end so we decided to hit the front of the club,roll up and parking lot pimp."KB "was smoking it so they could smell it in the air,I ended up selling ten dimes before we left the club,I was good with that.We jumped in my neon and headed towards my house,we stopped at the light and laughed and conversed until the light changed.When it changed I attempted to pull off but was cut off my a nice candy apple red malibu.ofcourse me being the bitch I am I jumped out and so did my people.We ran right up to the car,and the females inside were thrown off guard,they must have thought we was some punk bitches,well they thought wrong.Before I knew it I was rushing the bitch in the driver seat like i was tyson and this bitch was pee wee herman,and then thats when it happened I could feel the pain in my belly and then I could feel this cold wet feeling.I knew then that I was bleeding.Someone was breaking up the fight and some man was holding me up.When I got to the hospital I heard the paramedics tell the triage nurses that I had been stabbed in the arm and in the stomach during a wild fight at a stop light.My mouth dropped.After I got stitched up and was in a room I was laying in the bed and honestly I was about to start crying when I noticed the door to my room opening I looked up and it was  "BIG"....He sat in the chair next to my bed and started talking like he hadn't just cursed me out.What the fuck am I gonna do now,he not gonna just let me leave him and  he is starting to make that very clear.WTF....

by Big Sexxy

Wow, my fren jus let and I felt a lil crazy. I asked her what she thought about what she had been reading, and she told me it kinda hurt her feelings with all that I had been going through. She is t the first to say that.
U kno we forget who we effect othr than ourselves and our kids. Evybody that loves and cares for u r effected by the decisions u make. Gotta do it right. Can't always do it right the first time, but it's not considered doin it wrong wen u only do it once. I am aware now let's c how far that gets me. :) I like that, Smile -vs- Frown
NJoy

Life is Short!!

It's funny how we take things for granted, such as our very life.
Life is way too short for the things we spend it on only to find out that we could have done better without them. If a person were to add up the seconds they've already lived, he or she would be amazed at how few seconds they've lived. If you count your life with seconds, you'll realize just how short a life is.
Then maybe we'd make sure we spend those seconds enjoying the time we share with those in our LIFE!

A man 80 years old
60 sec = 1 minute
60 min = 1 hour (3,600)
24 hours = 1 day (86,400)
365 days = 1 year (31,536,000)
80 years = 2,522,880,000
That's a lot of seconds, yet not a lot of life!

By John L Norris

Why do we run to our End?

Once upon a time there was this man named Anu, who was the head man in the Emperor's Kingdom.
One day Anu was walking through the marketplace to find items for his master's kingdom. As he walked he looked across the way and spotted Death. Death looked at him with a surprised look as if he wanted to take him.
Anu turned and ran back to the Kingdom as fast he could. He rushed into the Master's hall and shouted "Master! May I have a word with you?".
At this the Master looked at him and was moved. He'd never seen Anu with such a look before. The Master said "Yes, please Anu, what is on your mind?".
Anu spoke "Master, as I walked through the marketplace today, I saw Death. He looked at me as if he wanted to take my life. Oh Master please, I don't want to die.
Would you please grant me the use of one of your horses so that I may ride far away to Symaria.
If I ride all day and all night, by tomarrow night at nidnight I'll be there and Death can't take me.".
The Master thought about it and then spoke, "Well Anu, you have been a faithful servent and one full of wisdom. You have been with me for many years and I would hate to see you go. However, if you feel this is what you want then you may go.".
The Master had the greatest horses in the land. These horses could run all day and all night.
Anu took the best horse and left and would be in Symaria by midnight tomarrow night. The Master felt bad about Anu and decided to go and see what he could find out. As he walked through the marketplace he spotted Death. Now the Master was a man who had no fear of anything and did not fear death. He walked over to Death and spoke "Hello Death, when my servent was here today he said you looked at him as if you wanted to take his life. Why?".
Death replied " Oh no, I looked at him with surprised. I was supposed to take his life tomarrow night in Symaria at midnight. But he is here I can't take his life tomarrow night in Symaria at midnight. But if he's here I can't take his life when I get there.".

By John L Norris

Confessions Of A Lost Soul....

I walked into my front door as I heard the phone ringing,I ran to answer it hoping that it was him.And it was.He stated that he was on his way,I decided to get comfortable,I needed to do something to make him relax.I put on one of my purple and black sexy lingerie the one that he loved and i doused my skin in my favorite scent"strawberry and champagne"I lotioned and sprayed damn there every inch of my body.He loved this smell on my skin.I had already inserted a Norform that morning after the shower so I knew everythang was copacetic...
I saw him pull up in my father's driveway and all I could think of was the fact that my stupid ass was worried more about pleasing this nigga than taking care of my ailing father.I dismissed the thought and decided I would go to the hospital to check on him around 5pm,I knew that was dinner time,and I would sit and eat dinner with him just like he liked.I unlocked the door after just 2 simple knocks,he stood there looking like he invented swagg.I could feel the wetness between my legs build.I grabbed him up and hugged him like I hadn't seen him in a while.I kissed him passionately and he reciprocated.He squeezed the fatness between my legs and it was turning me on.Though i was always thick he was always a lot bigger than me ,hence the name "BIG".I jumped up and straddled his standing position,as he grabbed my thighs to adjust my position.I could feel the growth between his legs and i began to grind up against it,I was ready and so was he.He walked to the bedroom with my body still on his,he softly laid me down on my canopy style bed and slowly started taking off his clothes,he started at his belt,then his shirt,as his pants dropped to his knees I began to feel a tingling sensation throughout my body.I was gone..He took my mature breast into his mouth and went to work,before I knew it my negligee was thrown to the floor and he was inserting his hard cock into my melting pot.At first i was hesitant i spoke softly,in a low tone,"baby we need a condom"and he kept going like I hadn't said a word or he hadn't heard a word I said.Either way I knew he had decided this is how he wanted it now and there would be no more condom use between us two.He started off slow and because he was my first and only,my vagina was shaped for his penis.It was feeling real good and then before I knew it he went into beast mode and started pounding his body into mine,this was a first.I got scared and wasn't sure how to react.i could feel the pressure turn into pain.how could I get him to stop?Before I knew it the tears were forming and then dropping from my eyes.I felt like he was ripping me in two.I couldn't control the tears or the yelling that was coming from my mouth.He began to growl and I could feel the sweat from his body falling onto mine. he came hard,I could feel it between my legs,pouring out of my mound.He fell off of my body,lay next to me and nonchalantly spoke" I aint wit the extra shit,you over here crying like I'm raping you or something,if thats how you gonna act I'm good on that.""Shit I got a bunch of bitches I could fuck but I chose you,that was obviously the wrong choice,so holla at me when your ass grow up,dummy!"And with that he stood,got dressed and left.I layed there still stuck.Should i had responded?I put my hand between my leg and lightly patted at the torn pussy he had left me with.I looked at my and and jumped up quickly,it was filled with cum and blood...