Wrote a really long blog yesterday and it didn't even post. :(

o well, I will just recap.

Things have been really diff this time around. Well, Abba really did it by trying to jump on that man that killed his sister. he didnt even get to him. In the midst of evything, he slams an officer. So him comin home in December is a wrap. I should not have let the other man back in, I did. Right after I found out how evythign that Abba did happened.

He really dissapointed me. Really. That's no excuse, I did what I did cuz i wanted to.

By the way this job is freakin crazy. I am glad I am wrkin, cuz a lot of folks don't have a job. That but, here it comes, BUT wrkin for lil of nothin really stinks, and means really stinks. I have 2 semesters to get a degree that's ha;f worth something, and can get me a job somewhere like where i shud b. wrkin wit troubled teens, and alcohol abused adults. Ppl like me on the flipside sometimes, jus need a lil more push and guidence.

I have been waiting for my Dad to jus realll go hard wit his program. That way I can have my degree and mentor under him. Evybody got they things that's important though. Don't agree wit his direct full attention to the Sectors, and the 'city'. He used to focus mainly on grass roots and getting to the ppl. Collecting and making a majority so that he doesn't have to tackle the city alone. Build an army.

Enough of all that.

I am back in school startign on the 6th. I can't wait. Then again I can. it won't be how it used to. I used to realy enjoy school. I could get paid to learn all day. I cud sit and talk all day infront of ppl too a little philosophy.

Ok, back to the top. I sed that i would not take that man the 'other' man back again, and I did. he got into some trouble and silly me, I couldnt turn my back. he was really in some hot ass water. I cursed him, and tol him that after i saved his ass and helped him as much as I cud I could not go any further.

Well, one night at my house turned into 4nights. I complained and he got scared of the police of course and left. he did not go far.

Things got fucked up where he went, and now he is back from the south and here.

This time around, he is acting as a lot better. Actually sincerley wanting and enjoying being here like he shuda been in the first place. It's funny cuz he made a comment yesterday about really loving the kids and enjoying doing things wit them.

You know i tol him that it is so messed up that it takes the worse to happen for him to be forced to spend the time that he shudda been spending. He jus blamed it on the "LIFE". Dope really does numb you to evything. all you think of is the money you make, and the fun you have while makin it. Livin wit no reguards to anyone other than wen you feel like it. Ok, I did add most the rest of that in there as you know. LOL

Anyways, we have been doing things like taking the kids late to fly their kites, and this is his idea. He plays wit them and we go to feed the ducks. Evything I have been wanting. I need out of a man that will be around.

As I write, like many times b4 my mind goes back to the fact that this big fairy tale is going to end. He will one day soon have to turn himself in. He will oneday soon not be around, and I be back to square one.

It's been a blessing eventhough all that he has taken me through prior to this, to have him around.

He watches the twins while I am wrkin, if I want to go out he lets me, and doesn't riff. I get home the kids are dressed and washed up, (not all the way washed up LOL) the dishes are washed and the floor is mopped.

All that I complain that I need so much help wit is being takin care of. Not the bills though. I still lack help wit that. Although wit him havin the kids I dont have to pay my mother as much for watching them. Yea you ask y are u payin her.

That's a long story for another day. I pay something to get away from arguing wit her. She asked to barrow my car one day and went and took it to the shop chargin $800 worth of repairs that she needs me to pay back on her credit card. Her husband needs to know that I am giving her something for havin the kids, so she says that I still pay daycare and it go to the credit card. We almost fell out over that, I did not ask her to do that I couldn't and can't afford it. I tol her wen I get back to school and get that loan that I will pay her then. Whatever. I shouldn't have to pay her the full $170 being that shebarely watches the twins anymore.

It's funny, the woman behind me jus woke me up. I was daydreaming outside the works window. I farely large couple looked so cute and happy alking from their car.

They looked fresh and in the early stages of their relationship. Like they are just starting off. The beauty of that.

Well, I guess I have to leave that thought right here. 'the man' did say though that I still call Abba's name in my sleep. Y? I know why.