That Adele 'i won't go' is what it is. My Dad sed I always find myself going to the 'point of no return'. He is very right. Ur heart ain't meant for evybody. He tol me to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. Yes thats an old saying, and it is very so much true. Some deserve love others deserve jus a friendly word, and the rest need to see ur ass twitch, walking tward the othr direction of them. U cant treat all ppl the same.
U have to let go for good to come though. Men can't always b projects, arts and crafts lessons. Molding and changing them like clay. Trying to make a portrait that was alredy drawn in our heads. We have to keep wetting and smoothing and smoothing the clay wit rocks in it. Ok that's a lil drastic but the point is, you'll never make the actual like your distorted imagine in your mind.
It's like searching for God wit a pic in your hand. Now ur passing up anything outside of your narrow focus.
Destructive
Jamming and jamming trying to make that odd piece, trying to make that square fit in the tiny circular space.
We all want love to knock on our door, and say out loud 'here I am'. If it did that I gues though we wud say get outta here thinking it's not real or it's a hoax of some sort. Lol.
I wanna run. I wanna scream. I want this frustration to b gone. I want this confusion and misinterpreted loyalty to drip from my finger tips and wash away wit the rain. Drain. Cuz it's draining.
Holding on to a lot of things jus cuz I feel I have to. Just holding on cuz I gave my WORD. what is that anymore anyway.
Why is it too that u feel so good wen u attempt to make someone feel like u feel? Those that hurt u need to b taught a lesson. So y the hell can't u always c it. Wen u do c it. Ok pause.... Wen my dumb ass c it I start feelin bad and then I have to b taught anothr lesson. Shit. Ok. I guess I can finish reading this book I got.  'the honey moon is ovr' most marriages only mentally last that long huh. Lol.
Goodnight.
The twins and I had a nice time at the beach. Watching them play and watching them hav a good time. Distracted by what be will do. I kno he gonna b angry I dropped most is shit off at the spot. Where he say he b at all the time. Heheheheheheheheheeee!! To damn bad. The kids r bathed and sleep at 8:00. Good I can make it on my own. Jus gotta make it through the next month. Again. By NJoy