Religion is like a penis
It's fine to have one
It's fine to be proud of it
But pleSe don't whip it out in public and start waving it around
And please don't start shoving it down my childrens throat

I like this I saw it on someones Facebook page.

Man, I still feel the cramps and the pain. Not as bad as it was yesterday though. This is crazy I did call a lawyer to dbl ck to c if I have a lawsuit or not. The doc didn't clean me out the first time. So for the whole weekend I was in goin through labor tryin to push the huge fetus size clot or whatever it was out.
I must that friday I got the predators done, I was scared and I too myself somethin like that wud happen. I wonder, do we manifest bad things to come or do we jus have I tuition insight and c them come as they r anyway?
Well went to the hospital monday night. I was crazy mad cuz I was n so much pain takin that test. Need a job though. Skipped school Monday though, I was feelin horrible and I knew I had that civic exam.
Sunday I cried and tried to get this man that I share my nights wit to wake up. He jus b dead to the world thinking I am over exaggerating.
Well at least now he knows why I have been bitching so much lol
It's hard to deal wit ur lain still cook still wash clothes and function.
Anyways my mom kinds convinced me Monday to go to the emergency. Had she not sex leave the kids n bed and I come there I was gonna stay in pain.
Go to the hospital, and right away the doctor says that I am not getting enough pain meds. Gives me a dose of morephine. I still feel the lain did not sleep or nothing.
Come to think right now, cuz they think she crazy I guess u right. Although it won't be bad

I sed this before, I say it again wit more meaning this time. It jus gets worse and worse. The pain is so excruciating. I have popped a pill evy 4 hours since the civil service exam.
I wanted to die taking that exam today for 911 dispatcher. The pain and evything else see past the pain killers. Labor pains once again with no baby as the reward.
Uhhhhh
All I can do is rock back and forth and think of all the things I have to do in about 4 more hours. I am juggling school, 2 rocky relationships, ok minus 1, children, the pregnancy, the abortion, job, finding a job, paying bills.... PAIN PAIN PAIN. THATS ALL I FEEL
things will get better, nothing last forever smile
NJoy

My BFF sed I need to write a book. Y? Cuz I jus Tom him about this abortion I had yesterday. Poplin pain killers right now. Shakin my head
NJoy

It's so funny how highs can get soooooo
Low 
Quickly though
Raised in a bipolar nation 
Everything passing by u used reserved neuroes and brain serves servings of left overs saved 
As time has been wasting 
Crying 
Makes no sense cuz at times the things I do really make no sense 
Tuning out the kids screaming 
My emotions raging, my insides soaring 
My heart bleeding for my own definition of glory. 

What is glory? 
What is commons sense? 
Intelligence? 

Tell the kids to "shut the Fuck up" they invading my space 
Damn in am 
A mother there r no green eggs and ham 
There is no space to yourself anymore 
It's not all bad though 
I begged and prayed for babies
They giv me headaches and u would love to dose them niquil often but....... I am greatful
I have someones to care for me wen I am old. 
Ok eenuff this is gettin old
Njoy 

Wrote a really long blog yesterday and it didn't even post. :(

o well, I will just recap.

Things have been really diff this time around. Well, Abba really did it by trying to jump on that man that killed his sister. he didnt even get to him. In the midst of evything, he slams an officer. So him comin home in December is a wrap. I should not have let the other man back in, I did. Right after I found out how evythign that Abba did happened.

He really dissapointed me. Really. That's no excuse, I did what I did cuz i wanted to.

By the way this job is freakin crazy. I am glad I am wrkin, cuz a lot of folks don't have a job. That but, here it comes, BUT wrkin for lil of nothin really stinks, and means really stinks. I have 2 semesters to get a degree that's ha;f worth something, and can get me a job somewhere like where i shud b. wrkin wit troubled teens, and alcohol abused adults. Ppl like me on the flipside sometimes, jus need a lil more push and guidence.

I have been waiting for my Dad to jus realll go hard wit his program. That way I can have my degree and mentor under him. Evybody got they things that's important though. Don't agree wit his direct full attention to the Sectors, and the 'city'. He used to focus mainly on grass roots and getting to the ppl. Collecting and making a majority so that he doesn't have to tackle the city alone. Build an army.

Enough of all that.

I am back in school startign on the 6th. I can't wait. Then again I can. it won't be how it used to. I used to realy enjoy school. I could get paid to learn all day. I cud sit and talk all day infront of ppl too a little philosophy.

Ok, back to the top. I sed that i would not take that man the 'other' man back again, and I did. he got into some trouble and silly me, I couldnt turn my back. he was really in some hot ass water. I cursed him, and tol him that after i saved his ass and helped him as much as I cud I could not go any further.

Well, one night at my house turned into 4nights. I complained and he got scared of the police of course and left. he did not go far.

Things got fucked up where he went, and now he is back from the south and here.

This time around, he is acting as a lot better. Actually sincerley wanting and enjoying being here like he shuda been in the first place. It's funny cuz he made a comment yesterday about really loving the kids and enjoying doing things wit them.

You know i tol him that it is so messed up that it takes the worse to happen for him to be forced to spend the time that he shudda been spending. He jus blamed it on the "LIFE". Dope really does numb you to evything. all you think of is the money you make, and the fun you have while makin it. Livin wit no reguards to anyone other than wen you feel like it. Ok, I did add most the rest of that in there as you know. LOL

Anyways, we have been doing things like taking the kids late to fly their kites, and this is his idea. He plays wit them and we go to feed the ducks. Evything I have been wanting. I need out of a man that will be around.

As I write, like many times b4 my mind goes back to the fact that this big fairy tale is going to end. He will one day soon have to turn himself in. He will oneday soon not be around, and I be back to square one.

It's been a blessing eventhough all that he has taken me through prior to this, to have him around.

He watches the twins while I am wrkin, if I want to go out he lets me, and doesn't riff. I get home the kids are dressed and washed up, (not all the way washed up LOL) the dishes are washed and the floor is mopped.

All that I complain that I need so much help wit is being takin care of. Not the bills though. I still lack help wit that. Although wit him havin the kids I dont have to pay my mother as much for watching them. Yea you ask y are u payin her.

That's a long story for another day. I pay something to get away from arguing wit her. She asked to barrow my car one day and went and took it to the shop chargin $800 worth of repairs that she needs me to pay back on her credit card. Her husband needs to know that I am giving her something for havin the kids, so she says that I still pay daycare and it go to the credit card. We almost fell out over that, I did not ask her to do that I couldn't and can't afford it. I tol her wen I get back to school and get that loan that I will pay her then. Whatever. I shouldn't have to pay her the full $170 being that shebarely watches the twins anymore.

It's funny, the woman behind me jus woke me up. I was daydreaming outside the works window. I farely large couple looked so cute and happy alking from their car.

They looked fresh and in the early stages of their relationship. Like they are just starting off. The beauty of that.

Well, I guess I have to leave that thought right here. 'the man' did say though that I still call Abba's name in my sleep. Y? I know why.

Well, this week has been fun. The kids and I have been feeling awsome w/ this new psuedo reality we are sharing of a unified family.

The day started off a liil sticky. being that i am pregnant again. yes i touch my belly and think back of the past and the way that he has treated me wen i force myself. that's wen i force myself.

It's so funny, got a lot goin on. Guess now that ny Dad knows that the man I sed I wud not hav bak here is here, I can talk bout things. Lol
He has been diff. It's jus sad though, that wen I look at him my wonders. It always wonders. O well, he has been watching and caring for the Grls. It's been kinda what u cud say a blessin in disguise. :) all I can do is smile.
Y I go to sign up for classes, and the African american his course I took and got B+ in doesn't count as American history. Crazy.
Well good night I catch u up on the drama later. Hav a nice night. Please post ur comments
NJoy