It's been a long time. So much had changed and sadly some things have remained the same.
:)
U sed I hav to write. As I watched my son changing and being different. He's such a handsome boy. He's getting older now. Got his own little traits and characteristics settin in.
As I write too I hear my nephew goin in on my daughter. Ughhhhhhh they fuss and fight all the time.
He complain about bein here but he's fittin into the whole family setting just fine. He's just as annoying at times as he girls though. Lmao!
I'm back and I'm here to stay this time.
Hope u enjoy my footprints I've been leaving and will continue to leave in the sand ....

;)

Yes!!! We always hender ourselves from success. Even when God clearly removes things out of our lives we find ways going out of our way! To continue to b connected 

The art of letting go is a meticulous craft. However freeing and simple one. 

Why choose pain when peace is always right there with you?

I've found I have done enough trying to cut with my tongue.
Yup. Finally.
He asked me to do something for him yesterday as usual.
I felt like saying 'where's your whore?'
'Why I always gotta make calls for you? Why I Have to make sure certain things are right for and with you? $40? Why she ain't mail it to you?'
However I know my brain just has recorded images
And sounds backs of pain
Which would make my mouth
Only cause more pain
I might as well listen to what my heart says
My hearts says 'yes I can do that for you'
My heart says not a big deal. Look how excited the kids are to hear his voice and look woman. You are a winner. No matter the outcome with him you are always on top. And if you can do it do it just don't go moving mountains to do it
All done Peace 

It's amazing tat throughout all the hurt and pain that I continue to feel. I still have not yet moved on.
I have not yet moved on, however, I am living!
I have made a promise to myself to live in the meanwhile. Why should I stop? To then live with regret?
Absolutely not. I am very intuitive and gifted. I have to start opening my ears to listen. In this day and time the 'pour out' is getting louder. It's being poured unto and given unto many.
Live and Love thyself.
:) vs :(  I have a voice and I need to start using it and healing with it 

Accountability sometimes can be a hard one to mount up to. My dad always told me if you want to know if you are lying to yourself or not just look yourself in the eyes through the mirror. You'll know. Makes sense. Wouldn't just be nice if our hearts did exactly what our brains told us? Lol
Life really is short when you add it all up by the seconds. You think you would get this long number you can't pronounce or name off. You don't.
Most people retire at 65-70 and then curtains. That's all folks.
I keep telling myself the same things over again. Then like an addict I'm all in
Just to get hurt again.
People will not treat you different until you make them. 

O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. (1 Corinthians 15:55, 56 KJV)

Waking through the job I see in my mind a bee latching to my calf and it had hands like a human almost. It stings repeatedly. I don't feel a thing. It's like the stinger wasn't there. I knew it was stinging though because bees die when they have no stinger. It just wasn't phasing me.
I ask my co-worker what he thought that meant. He says the violin has been playing for you and you've been taking it. Now the trumpet is going to play.
He explains to me that all these bites against me won't kill me.
Ok. So that's a for sure way of sayin what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. :)
That means all the pain that I am going through I am not killing myself. I have so much life in me. I know I do. I deserve the best.
I will obtain it for me and my children.
Speaking of them brings a nice warm smile to my face. I miss them like crazy all while at work then go in on them when I pick them up from school LOL. They have waaaaaaaaaay too much energy.
If you could only meet them. They are so smart and helpful. My oldest has this 'I help take care of this attitude'. My baby girl, my middle child has this so nurturing and mushy attitude but very hyper. My son is just the happiest baby ever. I am blessed. Too blessed. The first two are very clingy and attached to me. They would not go to anyone or be bothered by anyone else. My son is just easy going. He is becoming high maitenance though. He has this leadership Ora about him. I know he will do great things just as my girls will too.
Taking them to the Disney auditions for tryouts this fall. Make them bring their violins as well.

Wow. My husband just called. My car got sent to the shop and he told me to get rid of it. We are going through something right now. He said he will still send the money. The agreement was I keep the car which was my Mothers Day gift and he not put anymore money into it. Told him over and over again of he just like those Benz's we can get a brand new one comes with Warrenty and all. Long story short he does provide for his family. I can not take that away from him. Like I told though he makes me sometimes want to just say forget it though and abort the situation and take nothing from him.

In the end it's not the end of everything.
So I'll smile versus dwelling on things I can not change.
I will live and enjoy life. Spent waaaay too long living half way.