My BFF sed I need to write a book. Y? Cuz I jus Tom him about this abortion I had yesterday. Poplin pain killers right now. Shakin my head
NJoy
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
It's so funny how highs can get soooooo
Low
Quickly though
Raised in a bipolar nation
Everything passing by u used reserved neuroes and brain serves servings of left overs saved
As time has been wasting
Crying
Makes no sense cuz at times the things I do really make no sense
Tuning out the kids screaming
My emotions raging, my insides soaring
My heart bleeding for my own definition of glory.
What is glory?
What is commons sense?
Intelligence?
Tell the kids to "shut the Fuck up" they invading my space
Damn in am
A mother there r no green eggs and ham
There is no space to yourself anymore
It's not all bad though
I begged and prayed for babies
They giv me headaches and u would love to dose them niquil often but....... I am greatful
I have someones to care for me wen I am old.
Ok eenuff this is gettin old
Njoy
Low
Quickly though
Raised in a bipolar nation
Everything passing by u used reserved neuroes and brain serves servings of left overs saved
As time has been wasting
Crying
Makes no sense cuz at times the things I do really make no sense
Tuning out the kids screaming
My emotions raging, my insides soaring
My heart bleeding for my own definition of glory.
What is glory?
What is commons sense?
Intelligence?
Tell the kids to "shut the Fuck up" they invading my space
Damn in am
A mother there r no green eggs and ham
There is no space to yourself anymore
It's not all bad though
I begged and prayed for babies
They giv me headaches and u would love to dose them niquil often but....... I am greatful
I have someones to care for me wen I am old.
Ok eenuff this is gettin old
Njoy
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wrote a really long blog yesterday and it didn't even post. :(
o well, I will just recap.
Things have been really diff this time around. Well, Abba really did it by trying to jump on that man that killed his sister. he didnt even get to him. In the midst of evything, he slams an officer. So him comin home in December is a wrap. I should not have let the other man back in, I did. Right after I found out how evythign that Abba did happened.
He really dissapointed me. Really. That's no excuse, I did what I did cuz i wanted to.
By the way this job is freakin crazy. I am glad I am wrkin, cuz a lot of folks don't have a job. That but, here it comes, BUT wrkin for lil of nothin really stinks, and means really stinks. I have 2 semesters to get a degree that's ha;f worth something, and can get me a job somewhere like where i shud b. wrkin wit troubled teens, and alcohol abused adults. Ppl like me on the flipside sometimes, jus need a lil more push and guidence.
I have been waiting for my Dad to jus realll go hard wit his program. That way I can have my degree and mentor under him. Evybody got they things that's important though. Don't agree wit his direct full attention to the Sectors, and the 'city'. He used to focus mainly on grass roots and getting to the ppl. Collecting and making a majority so that he doesn't have to tackle the city alone. Build an army.
Enough of all that.
I am back in school startign on the 6th. I can't wait. Then again I can. it won't be how it used to. I used to realy enjoy school. I could get paid to learn all day. I cud sit and talk all day infront of ppl too a little philosophy.
Ok, back to the top. I sed that i would not take that man the 'other' man back again, and I did. he got into some trouble and silly me, I couldnt turn my back. he was really in some hot ass water. I cursed him, and tol him that after i saved his ass and helped him as much as I cud I could not go any further.
Well, one night at my house turned into 4nights. I complained and he got scared of the police of course and left. he did not go far.
Things got fucked up where he went, and now he is back from the south and here.
This time around, he is acting as a lot better. Actually sincerley wanting and enjoying being here like he shuda been in the first place. It's funny cuz he made a comment yesterday about really loving the kids and enjoying doing things wit them.
You know i tol him that it is so messed up that it takes the worse to happen for him to be forced to spend the time that he shudda been spending. He jus blamed it on the "LIFE". Dope really does numb you to evything. all you think of is the money you make, and the fun you have while makin it. Livin wit no reguards to anyone other than wen you feel like it. Ok, I did add most the rest of that in there as you know. LOL
Anyways, we have been doing things like taking the kids late to fly their kites, and this is his idea. He plays wit them and we go to feed the ducks. Evything I have been wanting. I need out of a man that will be around.
As I write, like many times b4 my mind goes back to the fact that this big fairy tale is going to end. He will one day soon have to turn himself in. He will oneday soon not be around, and I be back to square one.
It's been a blessing eventhough all that he has taken me through prior to this, to have him around.
He watches the twins while I am wrkin, if I want to go out he lets me, and doesn't riff. I get home the kids are dressed and washed up, (not all the way washed up LOL) the dishes are washed and the floor is mopped.
All that I complain that I need so much help wit is being takin care of. Not the bills though. I still lack help wit that. Although wit him havin the kids I dont have to pay my mother as much for watching them. Yea you ask y are u payin her.
That's a long story for another day. I pay something to get away from arguing wit her. She asked to barrow my car one day and went and took it to the shop chargin $800 worth of repairs that she needs me to pay back on her credit card. Her husband needs to know that I am giving her something for havin the kids, so she says that I still pay daycare and it go to the credit card. We almost fell out over that, I did not ask her to do that I couldn't and can't afford it. I tol her wen I get back to school and get that loan that I will pay her then. Whatever. I shouldn't have to pay her the full $170 being that shebarely watches the twins anymore.
It's funny, the woman behind me jus woke me up. I was daydreaming outside the works window. I farely large couple looked so cute and happy alking from their car.
They looked fresh and in the early stages of their relationship. Like they are just starting off. The beauty of that.
Well, I guess I have to leave that thought right here. 'the man' did say though that I still call Abba's name in my sleep. Y? I know why.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Well, this week has been fun. The kids and I have been feeling awsome w/ this new psuedo reality we are sharing of a unified family.
The day started off a liil sticky. being that i am pregnant again. yes i touch my belly and think back of the past and the way that he has treated me wen i force myself. that's wen i force myself.
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's so funny, got a lot goin on. Guess now that ny Dad knows that the man I sed I wud not hav bak here is here, I can talk bout things. Lol
He has been diff. It's jus sad though, that wen I look at him my wonders. It always wonders. O well, he has been watching and caring for the Grls. It's been kinda what u cud say a blessin in disguise. :) all I can do is smile.
Y I go to sign up for classes, and the African american his course I took and got B+ in doesn't count as American history. Crazy.
Well good night I catch u up on the drama later. Hav a nice night. Please post ur comments
NJoy
He has been diff. It's jus sad though, that wen I look at him my wonders. It always wonders. O well, he has been watching and caring for the Grls. It's been kinda what u cud say a blessin in disguise. :) all I can do is smile.
Y I go to sign up for classes, and the African american his course I took and got B+ in doesn't count as American history. Crazy.
Well good night I catch u up on the drama later. Hav a nice night. Please post ur comments
NJoy
Friday, August 5, 2011
Our Failing Church System in America, Has Anyone Noticed?
As the twenty first century unfolds in its technological entombment, certain unforeseen realities have begun to surface. Of the many systems who now face their predictable demise, one system, which until now has had a completely independent monopoly in the social arena, reels in its space and concept.
The Church system, with such unabridged authority and influence now faces a tremendous downfall.
Not a downfall in the normal sense as it does not go lacking in financial strength, nor in human presents
but rather in the major source of its purpose, Integrity. INTEGRITY is the key essence which no longer exists within the walls and hearts of the Church system. WE toil in our trauma as we watch God’s baby die!
For instance, Prayer is no longer legal in our education system, meaning it’s against the law for our youth to acknowledge GOD in the school!
The Church is now a component used to lobby in the cause of sexual preferences! Same sex marriages top the agenda of movements facing the Church, seconded only by Human Rights issues.
Church rules are re-structured to facilitate transgender acceptance into key positions of influence in the Church system.
Our Legal process has even removed the oath component from the swearing in of those who would tell the truth relating to testimony in the courts. Our court rules were formatted according to the principles of the Church. Hence, “Thou shalt not kill”, an item of religious commandments, yet with the Church rules removed from the Justice System, how can one legally be tried?
“Thou shalt not lie” influences no consequences from the justice system and insures freedom for certain individuals according to the culture they represent.
Our Church System has acquired many new denominations that are cosmetically induced to fit the demands of the social decline in order that anyone can now banish the title, “Religious Individual”.
The major purpose of the Church System is one of disciplinary focus, yet in light of this paradigm shift the obvious disciplinary action comes in the form of words! “Let my actions speak for me”, has become an obsolete concept.
There are many discomfiting questions regarding the Church, yet few are willing to face the growing adversarial challenges from their Contemporaries.
As a result of such passiveness by the Church System our youth attempts to avoid the whole idea of church as if in their innocence they sense some negativity, which brings to mind the prophetic words, “And the little children shall lead them”.
It’s within the innocence of our youth that egoism tends to fail in its domination of the Soul.
Billed as the “Cure-All” for all suffering, the church’s reputation has found its place among the archives of many myths and folk-lures of by-gone eras. Reform becomes a question for the sake of the traditional church, however with the many designer religions vying for position; reform is not in the immediate council of the Church.
Close review of the absence of the church reveals tremendous negative results among the social dynamics of our time.
Education has become a process of trial and error with too many errors without the disciplines of the church rule.
The justice arena falls to those with substantial political influence and/or funding without the initiated rules of the church.
Indiscriminate sexual acts have taken on the concept of being natural in the fact that man and man or woman and woman are married in the church eliminating the gender roles from the Bible.
Marriage has become a game and/or an opportunity to share sensual favors, that is, until one becomes bored with their mates. Gender not being a rule as to either position of a common couple in this non-traditional process of a marriage. Moreover now rules of marriage entail a matrix concept with commitments only to self gratification.
The practical elements of love and family values, having been removed by a consensus with no hint of Spirituality or fundamentality as we once knew it, are now billed as (uncommon) unlawful. Having lost its integrity to defend against the growing adversities of Spirituality the Church System now stands by passively as the new rules of marriage are set in place.
As the Church guidelines are systematically being removed from our social agenda we are seeing more human and environmental issues becoming less important and certain individual entertainment appetites as the purpose of our efforts and causes. Hollywood can no longer boast of fashion as now competing for best dress is a primary focus for most members at Sunday services. “Come as you are”, only applies to those who can’t afford to make a fashion statement.
Items of human characterization have begun to fade along with the demise of many natural elements.
Water, Air and even areas of (brown-earth) Earth have been deprived of its ability to replenish itself though the common process of natural recycle-ship. Our life sustaining eco-system has been compromised to the point that many of the kingdoms of this world are in jeopardy. These include the Insect, Animal, Bird, Mineral and even the Human kingdom!
The lack of mans integrity has proven to be the major influence initiating the consequences that now face each of the kingdoms, which must be fluent in order that life resources are maintained for all future life on earth.
In the persona expressed by the many ministers of today’s religions, monetary gain and/or social dominance over rule the standards of integrity. This is evident by the fact of the overwhelming number of storefront churches that now line our streets. In many cases these little storefront imitators outnumber the mom and pop stores three to one. Examples include a two block strip where there are some twenty one storefront churches yet only eight mom and pop food stores. Factors also reveal the crime and other social concerns are not impacted at all from the presence of so many storefront imitators. Fact is these storefront churches impose many of the social ills these communities now face. Truth is these churches have become part of the problems as they compete with each other over community dollars.
“AND MANY FALSE PROPHETS SHALL RISE, AND SHALL DECEIVE MANY”
At no other time in the history of this country has the influence of the church been so paradoxical. The Art of churching is featured in ones moral character and is epitomized by the behavior of the heart.
When “anything goes” as in today’s church, then it becomes self evident that our churches have lost its true purpose and integrity has no base in society.
Rarely during human history have we so globally and pervasively come in contact with realities of impermanence, interdependence and anatman, the notion of no self?
They are evidenced in the texture of our lives. Our values and behaviors are a flickering kaleidoscope that is accelerating in its spin.
Most of our Gods are dead. Science and its extroverted child, technology, is failing to fulfill their promise of providing the panacea (cure-all) of suffering. Though their deepest level of inquiry and most misguided implementations, they elucidate the uncertainty underlining the very existence of matter, energy, time, space and the certainty of perpetual flux (change).
We have looked away from ourselves for so long, that we have forgotten who we are. As we get more proficient in the game of distracting ourselves from ourselves, we continue to create a structure of the self that is alienated and always starving. We do not trust ourselves and are inheriting and perpetuating a life of anxiety, self-hatred and fear. It is getting harder and harder to ignore the pain.
The howling comes from one’s heart, from the television, from school and from the house next door. To feel the chaos and the pervasive suffering should be the turning point.
No wonder so many of our families are destining to fail. No wonder our
Laws have none or very little impact on right and wrong today. No wonder so many people find it easy or even entertaining to hate and abuse others who, on the outside are
different from them. No wonder we have so much crime and deaths that are preventable, yet over whelms, even our religious institutions. Shamelessness has become a limitless entity in today’s social structure.
No wonder our social issues continue to rise.Today’s church stands on no humanitarian platform. Racism tops the chart of social misbehavior and the church remains passive on the subject as if it’ll go away because of some unforeseen ethical awaking.
With such nihilism facing today’s church the question becomes; “What’s the purpose of the church”?
Throughout history, there have been many spiritual leaders who have shamelessly exploited their followers
The search for virtue and truthfulness is in fact a journey within -- a journey to understanding yourself, your soul, and to make it as pure as possible. In this way, humans come as close as they can to the Divine.
As many converge on the grounds of the Church each Sunday morning their purpose is no longer Divinity but rather to enjoy the minister’s mode of entertaining his guest. Some even play with God by performing acts that suggest they are over filled with the “Holy Spirit”, only to return home and continue with the same behavior that caused them to come to church in the first place.
Most have no idea that the Church is the major path to our Divinity, which is our real purpose for being here!
Here in this 21st Century, the Church is the least of our serious efforts. One clue as to how far our Church has failed us is to ask anyone, Ministers included, what is the meaning of “AMEN”?
You’ll hear many struggling with the one word answer yet none will prevail. Divine growth is the process of the Church. Once the Church loses sight of its process, we’ve all lost the meaning of whom and what we are. To not know who you are means to not know God. To not know God means to not know what we are.
Our Churches are failing in that it has lost its Philosophical art of teaching us who and what we are. It therefore has lost its Divine attitude regarding mans relationship with God and Man.
It’s time we looked inside our hearts and minds and began the initiation process of Reform for the Church System in this USA!
It’s time for Church Reform!
PEACE!
John L. Norris
Director, SDI, Inc.
PO Box 40887
Rochester NY. 14604
As the twenty first century unfolds in its technological entombment, certain unforeseen realities have begun to surface. Of the many systems who now face their predictable demise, one system, which until now has had a completely independent monopoly in the social arena, reels in its space and concept.
The Church system, with such unabridged authority and influence now faces a tremendous downfall.
Not a downfall in the normal sense as it does not go lacking in financial strength, nor in human presents
but rather in the major source of its purpose, Integrity. INTEGRITY is the key essence which no longer exists within the walls and hearts of the Church system. WE toil in our trauma as we watch God’s baby die!
For instance, Prayer is no longer legal in our education system, meaning it’s against the law for our youth to acknowledge GOD in the school!
The Church is now a component used to lobby in the cause of sexual preferences! Same sex marriages top the agenda of movements facing the Church, seconded only by Human Rights issues.
Church rules are re-structured to facilitate transgender acceptance into key positions of influence in the Church system.
Our Legal process has even removed the oath component from the swearing in of those who would tell the truth relating to testimony in the courts. Our court rules were formatted according to the principles of the Church. Hence, “Thou shalt not kill”, an item of religious commandments, yet with the Church rules removed from the Justice System, how can one legally be tried?
“Thou shalt not lie” influences no consequences from the justice system and insures freedom for certain individuals according to the culture they represent.
Our Church System has acquired many new denominations that are cosmetically induced to fit the demands of the social decline in order that anyone can now banish the title, “Religious Individual”.
The major purpose of the Church System is one of disciplinary focus, yet in light of this paradigm shift the obvious disciplinary action comes in the form of words! “Let my actions speak for me”, has become an obsolete concept.
There are many discomfiting questions regarding the Church, yet few are willing to face the growing adversarial challenges from their Contemporaries.
As a result of such passiveness by the Church System our youth attempts to avoid the whole idea of church as if in their innocence they sense some negativity, which brings to mind the prophetic words, “And the little children shall lead them”.
It’s within the innocence of our youth that egoism tends to fail in its domination of the Soul.
Billed as the “Cure-All” for all suffering, the church’s reputation has found its place among the archives of many myths and folk-lures of by-gone eras. Reform becomes a question for the sake of the traditional church, however with the many designer religions vying for position; reform is not in the immediate council of the Church.
Close review of the absence of the church reveals tremendous negative results among the social dynamics of our time.
Education has become a process of trial and error with too many errors without the disciplines of the church rule.
The justice arena falls to those with substantial political influence and/or funding without the initiated rules of the church.
Indiscriminate sexual acts have taken on the concept of being natural in the fact that man and man or woman and woman are married in the church eliminating the gender roles from the Bible.
Marriage has become a game and/or an opportunity to share sensual favors, that is, until one becomes bored with their mates. Gender not being a rule as to either position of a common couple in this non-traditional process of a marriage. Moreover now rules of marriage entail a matrix concept with commitments only to self gratification.
The practical elements of love and family values, having been removed by a consensus with no hint of Spirituality or fundamentality as we once knew it, are now billed as (uncommon) unlawful. Having lost its integrity to defend against the growing adversities of Spirituality the Church System now stands by passively as the new rules of marriage are set in place.
As the Church guidelines are systematically being removed from our social agenda we are seeing more human and environmental issues becoming less important and certain individual entertainment appetites as the purpose of our efforts and causes. Hollywood can no longer boast of fashion as now competing for best dress is a primary focus for most members at Sunday services. “Come as you are”, only applies to those who can’t afford to make a fashion statement.
Items of human characterization have begun to fade along with the demise of many natural elements.
Water, Air and even areas of (brown-earth) Earth have been deprived of its ability to replenish itself though the common process of natural recycle-ship. Our life sustaining eco-system has been compromised to the point that many of the kingdoms of this world are in jeopardy. These include the Insect, Animal, Bird, Mineral and even the Human kingdom!
The lack of mans integrity has proven to be the major influence initiating the consequences that now face each of the kingdoms, which must be fluent in order that life resources are maintained for all future life on earth.
In the persona expressed by the many ministers of today’s religions, monetary gain and/or social dominance over rule the standards of integrity. This is evident by the fact of the overwhelming number of storefront churches that now line our streets. In many cases these little storefront imitators outnumber the mom and pop stores three to one. Examples include a two block strip where there are some twenty one storefront churches yet only eight mom and pop food stores. Factors also reveal the crime and other social concerns are not impacted at all from the presence of so many storefront imitators. Fact is these storefront churches impose many of the social ills these communities now face. Truth is these churches have become part of the problems as they compete with each other over community dollars.
“AND MANY FALSE PROPHETS SHALL RISE, AND SHALL DECEIVE MANY”
At no other time in the history of this country has the influence of the church been so paradoxical. The Art of churching is featured in ones moral character and is epitomized by the behavior of the heart.
When “anything goes” as in today’s church, then it becomes self evident that our churches have lost its true purpose and integrity has no base in society.
Rarely during human history have we so globally and pervasively come in contact with realities of impermanence, interdependence and anatman, the notion of no self?
They are evidenced in the texture of our lives. Our values and behaviors are a flickering kaleidoscope that is accelerating in its spin.
Most of our Gods are dead. Science and its extroverted child, technology, is failing to fulfill their promise of providing the panacea (cure-all) of suffering. Though their deepest level of inquiry and most misguided implementations, they elucidate the uncertainty underlining the very existence of matter, energy, time, space and the certainty of perpetual flux (change).
We have looked away from ourselves for so long, that we have forgotten who we are. As we get more proficient in the game of distracting ourselves from ourselves, we continue to create a structure of the self that is alienated and always starving. We do not trust ourselves and are inheriting and perpetuating a life of anxiety, self-hatred and fear. It is getting harder and harder to ignore the pain.
The howling comes from one’s heart, from the television, from school and from the house next door. To feel the chaos and the pervasive suffering should be the turning point.
No wonder so many of our families are destining to fail. No wonder our
Laws have none or very little impact on right and wrong today. No wonder so many people find it easy or even entertaining to hate and abuse others who, on the outside are
different from them. No wonder we have so much crime and deaths that are preventable, yet over whelms, even our religious institutions. Shamelessness has become a limitless entity in today’s social structure.
No wonder our social issues continue to rise.Today’s church stands on no humanitarian platform. Racism tops the chart of social misbehavior and the church remains passive on the subject as if it’ll go away because of some unforeseen ethical awaking.
With such nihilism facing today’s church the question becomes; “What’s the purpose of the church”?
Throughout history, there have been many spiritual leaders who have shamelessly exploited their followers
The search for virtue and truthfulness is in fact a journey within -- a journey to understanding yourself, your soul, and to make it as pure as possible. In this way, humans come as close as they can to the Divine.
As many converge on the grounds of the Church each Sunday morning their purpose is no longer Divinity but rather to enjoy the minister’s mode of entertaining his guest. Some even play with God by performing acts that suggest they are over filled with the “Holy Spirit”, only to return home and continue with the same behavior that caused them to come to church in the first place.
Most have no idea that the Church is the major path to our Divinity, which is our real purpose for being here!
Here in this 21st Century, the Church is the least of our serious efforts. One clue as to how far our Church has failed us is to ask anyone, Ministers included, what is the meaning of “AMEN”?
You’ll hear many struggling with the one word answer yet none will prevail. Divine growth is the process of the Church. Once the Church loses sight of its process, we’ve all lost the meaning of whom and what we are. To not know who you are means to not know God. To not know God means to not know what we are.
Our Churches are failing in that it has lost its Philosophical art of teaching us who and what we are. It therefore has lost its Divine attitude regarding mans relationship with God and Man.
It’s time we looked inside our hearts and minds and began the initiation process of Reform for the Church System in this USA!
It’s time for Church Reform!
PEACE!
John L. Norris
Director, SDI, Inc.
PO Box 40887
Rochester NY. 14604
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Well I took the Grls to there unkl. Wen he came from the back, he looked jus like my husband. As of tonite, I sed I will no longer call him that. After all that has happened, how I have felt like he literally held me and the Grls n one hand ovr the cliff, and he let us go to chase principles that kno nothing of him, I will not b abl to continue on. Their Unkl looked jus like him, well their dad looks jus like their Unkl.
Selfishly I wished him n Abba cud change places. Even though, I kno he doesn't deserve it. Plus his bro has done his time, n did more than.... Ok was gonna say that and that ain't true. Abba has done more time, n that y I think he is jus I instatutionalized.
Well I guess we c.
NJoy
Selfishly I wished him n Abba cud change places. Even though, I kno he doesn't deserve it. Plus his bro has done his time, n did more than.... Ok was gonna say that and that ain't true. Abba has done more time, n that y I think he is jus I instatutionalized.
Well I guess we c.
NJoy
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